"Making Love While Making Love" (full length)

Author: mtxy Chapter 1 The girl who came to Nanchang to sleep with me Text / Qin Huo Introduction My left hand is desire, and my right hand is love. My left hand is fantasy, my right hand is reality. From that day on, I fell in love with my left hand; from that day on, I hated my right hand. I stayed alone in the KTV box, turned the volume to the maximum, knelt on the cold floor tiles, and stared blankly at the TV screen, Leslie Cheung's "The Left and Right Hand". Deafening, deafening. I started to sing, my voice was hoarse; I started to dance, exhausted; I started to cry, and I was about to cry but had no tears; I started to laugh, and the tears fell from my cheeks, and they burst into tears. Feeling dizzy, sweating profusely, and unable to stop. When it got dark, I walked out of the box and stood alone on Beijing East Road. The cold wind blew through, and I didn’t know where to go. I saw a piece of chicken feather fly away, its name was Chen Cang. 1. Coming out of the side gate of the School, there is a cement road. There are very few cars, and there are fewer people than cars. The road seems to be spread only for itself. There are shady green trees on both sides of the road, both famous and unknown, growing there without purpose. There are two rusty railway tracks lying next to it. Occasionally, there are a few playful birds, fluttering and flying, and no more Trains roar past. Walking along the quiet road, you will come across a fire hydrant numbered 007, squatting in the grass on the side of the road, muddle along. If you walk a little further down, there is an oil refinery there, staring at the sunset, looking languid. Liu Xiaowan and I have also walked this road, and it seems we are still holding hands. When we saw 007, we all laughed in unison. The hero, or idol, in the eyes of many people may just be a fire hydrant. I said that the refinery was afraid of fire, even though it was already very old. As a young and energetic person like me, haha, I always try my best to live a lively life, but the result is always extremely embarrassing. You are talking about your book, right? Liu Xiaowan asked with a wry SMile. No more, I don’t even have the mood to pay attention to it. I deliberately pretended not to care. 2. I was really thinking about my bastard book, and I handed the mAnuscript to the publisher. He promised me to sign the contract in mid-May, but on May 32, there was still no news. Then I called to ask, and he choked me twice before speaking to me. Ogura, oh, um, I originally sent you a contract. I showed it to my boss the day before yesterday. He felt that the first printing of 20,000 copies was not safe, so he stopped it. At that time, I stood aside, but I had no choice but to cover the phone and cursed, Damn, you are kidding me. Instead, he said softly and politely, "Well, it's okay. How long should we postpone it?" He was a little impatient, but he tried his best to hide it, or in other words, he tried his best to maintain the image of himself as a cultural person. Xiaocang, don't worry, I'm at my wits end now, my boss is embarrassing me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I understand, understand, it’s okay. As for publishing companies, their work efficiency is at least a little faster than that of publishing houses. I SMiled bitterly. It seemed like two months had passed since I gave him the mAnuscript. Well, then, how about this first?. He SMiled, reluctantly. Okay, then, goodbye... wait, I just want to sign the contract as soon as possible and don't want to worry about anything else. I still showed my trump card. I don’t want to say too many powerless lines, such as the title of the book, the cover, and the royalties. The day I submitted the mAnuscript, I began to endure this endless rape. They insisted on taking an autobiographical novel with a strong prose flavor and giving it a rubbish and completely sexually suggestive title, saying that it would be easier to sell. Xiaocang, don’t be impatient, be patient and wait for the roses. Hang up. 3. My name is Chen Cang, the man who "builds plank roads openly and builds Chen Cang secretly". Born in a village in the south, living without ideals or goals. Occasionally I write some text, and occasionally find a girl to treat the stubborn problem of being unable to take care of myself during sex, but it has not been cured so far. I have a relatively stable girlfriend, her name is Li Jia, and she lives in Fuzhou, which is not far away. I think she loves me more, which can be seen from her enthusiaSM for supporting China's telecommunications industry. I think I care about her too, which can be seen from the fact that I haven't had sex with her yet. She was struggling for the college entrance examination, and I was working hard for dropping out of School. Occasionally, I would ask myself how the reality in my bones could tolerate her innate sense of superiority. There is no answer, I just know clearly that she loves me, that's all. Her love is a burden to me, so I feel guilty, just like I did to my father. I know that if I drop out of School, I will lose many things, including Family and friendship, not to mention love. husband, will we be together forever? Li Jia often asks this on the phone. The more she asked me, the more I felt like she was uncertain about our future just like me. Well, I will, darling, I’m going to sleep. I feel uncomfortable hearing her call me "husband" even though we have known each other for more than a year and she has called me this name countless times. It is generally recognized that I have a nice speaking voice. Every girl who has called me thinks so. So she responded with a look of dissatisfaction: Oh, father-in-law, you should have a good rest. Yes, Mother-in-law, you should go and rest too. I hung up. I didn't want to sleep. Ping'er's profile picture was flashing in my QQ, and Weiwei also left me a message. Leslie Cheung's "Left and Right Hands" played over and over again, and it was another sleepless night. Supplementary information: I am currently a bastard at a bastard university in Nanchang. I am just a junior in college and am about to drop out. There are two Brothers who are friends, Lao Wei and Wang Wang, but that is a story for another day. There are also two friends who have been together for six years and part-time high School classmates, Xiao Xiaoming and Xie Liubin. 4. Liu Xiaowan is my online friend and a girl from a university in Zhengzhou who came to sleep with me. Not Ping'er, not Weiwei, Liu Xiaowan is just Liu Xiaowan. If I have to add something to her, it seems I have to say this: She is the person I know who finished reading my bastard novel and stayed up two nights in a row. May 27, 2004, three o'clock in the morning. Our QQ is all online. I am habitually too lazy to talk to people. Chatting is not my habit. She said, I want to see you. don't want. I pointed out two words with my right index finger, plus a period,Sent to her. I pay for it myself. She spoke very plainly and to the point. It's not about money. I laugh, it’s really not about money. Although I have no money, I'm used to doing things like pretending to be fat, so it doesn't matter anymore. Lao Wei said that face is very valuable. If you don't have rice, you have to fight three times. How can a man say that he has no money in front of a woman? It would be a shame. of course, it is not for the sake of face in front of Liu Xiaowan, but because I am indeed not extremely poor in terms of money. ​What is the problem? If we meet, I will think about having sex with you. Then it was done. The next day, Liu Xiaowan boarded Train 1539, which took about 13 hours. The Train was delayed for half an hour. At about 11 o'clock at night, I saw this girl who liked to wear a black T-shirt at the exit of Nanchang Railway Station. Be hungry. I SMiled slightly, this was my opening statement. Um. She nodded and SMiled. Chapter 2 Wandering around buying contraceptive pills Before Wuliu Xiaojuan appeared at the exit, I never thought that she was really coming to Nanchang, and that she was coming to see me. But I still went to pick her up and took care of everything I needed to take care of. I had some money of my own and borrowed another two hundred from my classmates as working capital. Then I asked the eldest Brother of the future tense, Lao Wei, for help, and found a house on Tianyou Road next to the Train station. Staying in a hotel is expensive, and it's a waste of money. That house belonged to Lao Wei and his friend Lao Liu. I had some contact with Lao Liu, but not very deeply. Lao Wei said that a classmate of mine came from Zhengzhou to visit me and would stay for a few days, so Lao Liu immediately made it convenient. The moment I got the key, I suddenly felt that Lao Wei's friends were all people worth dating. And that’s how Lao Liu and I began to get really familiar with each other. He and Wang Wang had a relationship of fellow villagers and friends. They opened a book bar together in the School and named it "All the Way with You Book Bar". It seems that I should explain something that needs to be explained in advance. The relationship between Lao Wei, Wang Wang and me has not yet happened. The relationship between Wang Wang and me is similar to that of Lao Liu. I've been messing around in this stupid university for three years, and the only one I can really call a friend is Lao Wei. I mean before Liu Xiaowan appeared, and things have changed more or less since then. At least I think Wang Wang is a person who can be a friend, and Lao Liu is not a bad person. By the way, there is a girl named Xiao He circulating among the three of them. I also know Xiao He. According to Lao Wei, she used to be my admirer. Before meeting me, she always looked up to me in her heart. Then she saw me in the book bar with a look of disdain on her face. I was wearing slippers, my hair was messy, none of my clothes were brand-name, and my pants were a little dirty. Lao Wei thought he had done a great thing and introduced happily: This Chen Cang, whose pen name is Qin Huo, is the most awesome writer in our School. Well, um, Xiao He, not Xiao He, haha, I’m just a freshman and I can write pretty well. I nodded, SMiled slightly, and said nothing. I'm used to keeping my head down, whether I'm talking or walking. Qin Huo? Admired for a long time. She said six words, first with some uncertainty, then with disdain after disappointment. I can hold her heart very wellIt’s not that I have any prejudice against her. I read the answer in her casual look. Therefore, there will always be a sense of distance between Xiaohe and I, no matter how familiar we are. Two strangers in the world are likely to be like us, which is destined to never become friends. I seldom spoke in her presence, though, even in her absence I did not say much. Sixth Lao Liu and Lao Wei first took me to get acquainted with the environment of Tianyou Road. The main thing was to tell me how to take the girl from the Train station to the bed so as not to get lost. Old Liu was so enthusiastic that he almost helped me draw a three-dimensional military analysis diagram. I said that my feet were an idiot, but my mouth and brain were SMart enough. Okay, okay, then, by the way, we can’t let this girl win the bid. I suddenly felt that Lao Liu was a veteran in this field and knew everything. Lao Wei stood aside, shaking his head from time to time. He can understand that I'm such an Asshole, but he definitely won't be as much of an Asshole as me, which is probably why we're friends. People who can become friends in the world are generally like that. It's not good to be too similar to each other, but it's just right to be similar enough to understand each other. Have you bought all those things? Lao Liu then asked. without. I lowered my head and SMiled. Then I bought it. Excuse me. Never bought it before? Go, what's there? How about you, you help me buy it? Your boy. Old Liu shook his head and SMiled slightly. So what did you use before? before? By luck. Bastard, I have already lost a son. When Lao Liu said that, his expression was a little strange, but in the end it was not strange at all. Lao Wei SMiled bitterly and said nothing, and I suddenly fell silent for a while. Then the three of us said in unison: What a fucking bastard. The night is slightly dark and the street lights are dim. Lao Liu walked into the drugstore at night. He was originally going to buy Birth Control Pills for me, but he said it was uncomfortable to be wrapped in those "balloons", but he ended up buying a dozen "balloons". Chapter 3 I had sex with a 35-year-old woman 7 My first impression when I saw Liu Xiaowan was that there was nothing special about her, except that I thought she was pretty. The moment our eyes met, I still thought of Li Jia, and I felt that I had gone too far. Even though I had cheated on her like this more than once, and I had done it with other girls before. I don’t remember most of them, except sister Lan. The special thing about sister Lan is that she is the oldest woman I have ever had sex with. She is 12 years older than me. Currently living in Shenzhen, engaged in accounting work, married. I met sister Lan in a virtual community, and it was related to that bastard novel. She said that my writing was very hypocritical. At least the protagonist slept with many girls just to satisfy his sexual needs, but I insisted on making some sad excuses. I think what sister Lan said is reasonable, but it is not the truth after all, and I like the point of view that is outside the ordinary people's point of view. Therefore, sister Lan will appear in my QQ, and she will not be ignored by me. We chatted and talked a lot. Later she gave me her mobile phone number and occasionally called me, and I called her too. I like to call her at nightfall, when she's basically shoppingstreet. She started acting coquettishly when she received my call. I don't know what it feels like for a woman who is nearly 35 years old to act coquettishly in front of a college boy who is just over 20 years old. But I like that feeling. I feel like a man, and I have the Pleasure of victory after conquering someone. This sense of Pleasure made our relationship more and more ambiguous, so ambiguous that we watched porn together through Tencent Video player software, and flirted with each other on QQ and on the phone. sister Lan is the kind of woman with rich sexual experience. Every time after chatting with her, I am eager to try that place. And sister Lan also said she missed me and my youthful impulsiveness and unbridled passion. These have become the reasons for us to go from the virtual network to the real bedside. No matter what we do, we need reasons, even if the reasons are somewhat ridiculous. The day we found enough reason, we lay naked on a soft Simmons bed. The curtains are light green, the lights are pink, and the sheets are pure white. 8 I raised my head slightly and looked out the window. The setting sun was setting in the west, leaving the tall buildings in the dusk. sister Lan turned around and closed the curtains. She was much more domineering than I thought. You can’t keep looking out the window, and besides, there’s not much to see in Shenzhen. What she said made me laugh. After all, it was so inappropriate for her age. It should have been said by a little girl who was just starting to fall in love. But she didn't say it awkwardly. Then of course we had sex. sister Lan's buttocks are much sexier than in the photos, and her skin is quite delicate. Put your hand on it and close your eyes. It is impossible for a person with a rich imagination like me not to feel it. The breasts are a bit worse than I expected, and the color of the nipples makes me a little depressed. I like the pink color in the white tenderness, which is unlikely for a woman like sister Lan. But I still put them in my mouth one by one. sister Lan asked me to bite them gently. I couldn't help but laughed. Why are you laughing? Don't laugh. sister Lan really needs you. sister Lan must have been aroused by me, but my inappropriate SMile obviously made her a little embarrassed. Then continue, I didn’t mean it. I suppressed the laughter. I entered sister Lan's body easily. Chen, Chen, come in. sister Lan spoke very provocatively like on the phone, and I couldn't resist the temptation. At that time, I couldn't tell whether I liked sister Lan's body or her extremely provocative voice. Occasionally I looked sideways at the warm light, wondering why I never let go. During that day, I never seemed to have any leaks, and I barely rested until my waist was exhausted. sister Lan was somewhat disappointed, not sure if it was with me or with herself. But she was still happy, I could see it from her lower body that was twisting desperately. I flew back to Nanchang the next day. It was my first time flying. sister Lan bought me a plane ticket. She said she hoped that I would look at the white clouds outside the window on the plane, which would make me happier. I sat by the window and flipped through Alai's "The Dust Has Settled" randomly. The feeling of sister Lan's fingers still remained between the legs, and the warmth of her lips seemed to be still lingering in that area. Then I thought of Li Jia, which seemed to have become a habit, a strange habit. sister JiulanShe didn't contact me for a long time. First, her cell phone was lost, and then the Company had to start cleaning up its accounts. All in all, sister Lan disappeared like SMoke for a long time. During this time, I met Ping'er and Weiwei, and later I met Liu Xiaowan. I have never met Ping'er and Weiwei, but I know that they have read my bastard novel and like it very much. There were several nights when I thought about sister Lan and started masturbating. Then I discovered that sister Lan is indeed the kind of woman that can make people miss her for a lifetime. What surprised me the most was that the first thing that flashed before my eyes was her pair of breasts that were no longer attractive. The two purple-black nipples that made me feel depressed were like two rusty screw caps, awkwardly screwed on top. Then there are the buttocks that fill my imagination. I swallowed, rolled over and turned on the computer. Ping'er's profile picture was the color I hoped for. Ping'er is sister Lan's most direct substitute, and she is also older than me. Living in Beijing, engaged in advertising planning, unmarried. In fact, I don't think I like sister Lan. After the right and wrong and the right and wrong after my first love, I feel that love is a luxury and cumbersome thing. The relationship between Li Jia and me was purely due to my uneasy conscience. I was afraid of that feeling of guilt. Maybe because of this, no matter how I am doing, I will always say to my father, Dad, I am fine. You should take better care of your health. Don’t worry too much about money. I will figure it out myself. I didn’t know what I could do, so I worked hard to write articles for magazines. After receiving royalties, I always feel that I am just another form of prostitution, that’s all. I want to make myself happy, even if it's just physical happiness, but I'm not happy. Ping'er looked at me through the video and didn't speak for a long time. I was also silent. I looked at the photo she just sent me indifferently. I liked her eyes, which contained perfect melancholy. But I told her that I liked her breasts, but it was a pity that they were covered by clothes. She SMiled first, it seemed to be a bitter SMile, and then she said, Xiaocang, you make me feel bad, you know. I also laughed, and it seemed to be a bitter SMile. sister, I wonder what it feels like to feel distressed. Chapter 4: Give me a pair of breasts One night, Ping'er was not online. She went to Tianjin for business. Weiwei appeared that night. Like me, she was wandering around in Nanchang, a city that neither prospered nor wanted to prosper. She was in her first year of college and her life was extremely boring and empty. The first thing she said to me was, I heard you are very perverted? It’s not sexy, it’s just that if you were alone with me, it would be impossible not to be seduced by me. That seemed to be my answer, I had no idea we would actually have sex or even see each other one day. You should know that if two people in the same city meet and something happens that they both want to happen, it may be very troublesome in the future. These are all irrelevant, I just want to say that Weiwei also entered my wandering life. I haven’t seen her photo, nor have I seen her in person. And she seems to have never seen me, except through words and imagination. That seemed fair, and it seemed beautiful and tempting. But the one who is truly beautiful and alluring is the woman named Liu Xiaowan. You have to believe that with meThe women who appear in this swaying life are all extraordinary, but there are not many that are truly outstanding and can make you think about them as much as I do. My first love was a man, and all I got in exchange was long-lasting pain, loneliness, and that bastard novel. Don’t mention the past events again. No matter how absurd and shaky life is, keep going. No matter when and where you find yourself struggling to stand up, everything is still going on for you. On November 1, between the time when Lao Liu and Lao Wei left and when I met Liu Xiaowan, I was at the Xintianyou Internet Cafe next to Nanchang Railway Station, facing a broken monitor with strong radiation, moving an extremely malfunctioning mouse, and wearing a Only one earphone was turned on, and I was at a loss as I listened to Leslie Cheung's "The Right Hand". I haven't read that bastard novel in a long time. After I finished writing it, I revised it twice, but the bookseller didn’t even ask for a revised mAnuscript. I played two rounds of upgrading tractors in Lianzhong World, and with my awesome IQ and luck, I became a mess. But when the second game was about to end, several unfamiliar Chinese pinyin words suddenly appeared on the monitor. Based on my poor computer knowledge, I concluded that the computer had crashed. After restarting, I opened QQ and chatted with Ping'er for a few words. She said that the incident in Tianjin made a mess, and her mood was also messed up. Now she really wants to talk to me. I observed 30 seconds of silence and did not tell her that I was about to meet Liu Xiaowan. Then I thought about it, and it seemed that I had never mentioned Liu Xiaowan, or Li Jia, to her at all. I didn’t say anything, I just listened to the song repeatedly, and occasionally looked around blindly. Ping'er is already my online Lover. Late that night, when she was unbuttoning her buttons one by one in front of the video, I suddenly realized that she was so cute, so cute that I thought she was just a little girl. She said, Xiaocang, I let you see it all, I let you see it all. Her voice was trembling, as if this was the first time she was so crazy, and she took off all her clothes in front of the video. I had asked her to do that before, but the time was wrong and she said she was afraid that her mother and nanny were not asleep. Ping'er's breasts are much more delicate than I imagined, but they're not the color I like either. I loved her long, white legs and the feeling of her stretching them and masturbating in front of me. Ogura, my sister can't stand it anymore. When Ping'er was Moaning and at a loss, I stayed in front of the screen and watched indifferently, as calm as the fool in "The Dust Has Settled". When I masturbated that night, all I could think of was Ping'er, including the sad and lonely look in her eyes when she reached climax. I burst out, exhausted, but my eyes couldn't hold back the tears. The night was a bit blurry, the people around were getting sparser and thinner, and a cold feeling floated over the square. I raised my head slightly and looked at the Train timetable above the exit. Train 1539 was going to be delayed until 11 o'clock. Then I walked up the concrete steps to the square and looked around, feeling at a loss. I was thinking that if Liu Xiaowan didn't show up, then I would go back to Xintianyou Internet Cafe, at least Ping'er would still be waiting for me. Go back after dawn, find Lao Wei and drink hard, tell him that women are not trustworthy, and if you have the chance to go to bed, don't make a mistake.Pass. Lao Wei must still be repeating his usual expression. He understands my nonsense, but he will never regard them as truth, let alone implement them into actual actions. So he is my friend, a real friend, so we are always happy to drink together. He would tell me about his girlfriend, who, like me, lived in happiness, but never felt anything. Everyone in the world who can be friends seems to have the same experience. But Lao Wei is not like me. He knows that he doesn't love her, but he will not do anything to regret her. He is great and stupid. Lao Wei basically said the same lines as me. She was so kind to me that she couldn't bear to add guilt and let us be together. At 11:07 p.m., Liu Xiaowan appeared at the exit carrying a black backpack, a black T-shirt, and brown jeans. I seemed to have told her on the phone that I wished I could come over wearing a skirt so that it would be more convenient to have sex. She agreed, but changed her mind temporarily. She said it was best to wear a skirt with sandals in early summer, but it was inconvenient to wear sandals to catch the Train. Then we said the lines mentioned above, and then, I took her for a walk along Bayi Avenue, and unexpectedly found Tianyou Road. We didn't seem to talk much along the way. We don't talk much. I lowered my head and walked carefully, occasionally looking sideways at the signboard above. I am looking for two words: golden butterfly. After finding them, they found their way into the community. Things that are waiting for others to find them are easy to find, and "Golden Butterfly" is no exception. After I found it, I pointed to the alley and said, go in here, turn a corner, and you'll be there when you see the words "110 call the police". Liu Xiaowan SMiled and said nothing. Her SMile was very moving, so charming that I didn't notice it at the exit. We first went to a nearby night market for some late-night snacks. We didn’t even have dinner. After eating, I went back to look for the golden butterfly. There were almost no people in the alley, and it was so quiet that you could hear the sound of the night wind. I suddenly stopped and asked, "Isn't it ridiculous to go all the way from Zhengzhou to Nanchang just to have sex with me?" Liu Xiaowan still SMiled and said nothing. She did indeed SMile very charmingly, with the corners of her mouth curved and her teeth white. If you think it's ridiculous, why did you agree to my coming? she whispered. I never refuse a girl who wants to have sex with me. I SMiled, as if SMiling bitterly. Chapter 5 Men and Women in the Bathroom What is the concept of the 13th and seventh floors? It is the floor hanging between the eighth and sixth floors. There is no elevator, and there is an occasional voice-activated light that requires stomping your feet. I walked in front as if nothing had happened. I had been living on the fifth floor for more than three years and was used to climbing stairs. Liu Xiaowan followed with some difficulty, but she didn't seem to be aware of the difficulty. Come on, Nanchang has suddenly become hot in the past two days. I laugh. It’s okay, a little warmer than Zhengzhou. She laughs too. How about taking a break first. I stood at the window and looked outside. I was already on the fourth floor. No need, let’s go up first. She reached out and pushed me unconsciously, and I held her hand like this. After looking at her, she showed no intention of refusing, and I felt at ease. I can't explain what it feels like to hold her hand, but it sure doesn'tSame. Climbing up to the seventh floor, the sweltering heat made us sweat all over our bodies. I took out the key and opened the door carefully. She stood behind me and waited. I opened the door and let her go in first. She SMiled slightly and walked in, but I stayed outside the door. Come in. She SMiled and looked at me carefully. At that moment, I had a strange feeling, a feeling of coming Home. But then I brushed it off, knowing what I was doing. This is an era without Home and love. Any feeling is an illusion, any hope is a luxury, and any persistence is a betrayal. I gritted my teeth gently, lowered my head and walked in, like a shy child meeting a stranger. 14. In a place like Nanchang, I can see far away from the fifth floor, let alone the seventh floor. Our bed is leaning against the window, let’s call it our bed. In fact, it is neither mine, nor hers, nor ours. If you sit on the bed, you can see a very far place outside the window, so far away that the night light blurs it and there is no direction. Liu Xiaowan sat on the edge of the bed, her left hand hanging naturally on her knees, her right hand rubbing a tissue and carefully wiping the sweat from her forehead. I didn't expect Nanchang to be so hot. Last time you said it was quite cool, haha. She said with a slight SMile, showing two rows of white teeth. I glanced at her, then looked out the window without saying a word. The weather in Nanchang is like that. I have been living for three years and I can't be sure. It's like love. I forgot how we started having sex, I mean, I forgot what excuse I had for stripping her naked. I remember we seemed to take a shower together in that cramped Bathroom, and she was reluctant at first because she found it awkward. I SMiled bitterly and said, if that is called embarrassment, then real embarrassment must be more daunting. The shower head seems to be broken, and there is never enough water. It seems like years to get the clothes wet, and time is no longer time. I slowly took off my clothes, and she also took off her clothes, but she couldn't let go, leaving only her bra and panties. I SMiled bitterly, is this what taking a bath is like? Please help me take it off. Liu Xiaowan closed her eyes slightly and whispered. I? Um. I lowered my head and looked at her carefully. I suddenly felt that many things were so absurd, but they did exist. I let out a slight breath. I didn't want her to see my eyes, so I tried my best to avoid her possible eyes. I was afraid that at some moment she would suddenly open her eyes, and then I would burst into tears with tears streaming down my face. Those are not what I need, nor are they what I asked her to bring to me from Zhengzhou. I need to be happy, completely happy. I don’t know what I will look like tomorrow, or even what I will look like in one second. The only thing I know is that now, right now, I just need to be happy. Don't give me room and time to think, don't try to save or eliminate me, I just hope you don't pay attention to me at all. That's fine, the way I am now is the way I am, and I like the way I am. The appearance from yesterday, or the last second, has no appearance. FifTeen I kissed her gently. She felt my kiss, her lips were sensitive and plump. We don’t seem to be relatedClose the Bathroom door. There is no one else in the room, so closing the door is unnecessary. The rare night breeze blew in, making it a bit cool. I don't seem to be clumsy at all anymore, that age is behind me. It was the first time I unhooked a girl's bra. It took me a long time and my face was red from the effort. I have forgotten when, just like I forgot the moonlight that night. I only know that certain feelings about that woman have been lingering in my bones for many years. I easily unhooked her bra and hung it aside. Looking down, I saw a pair of breasts that often appeared in my dreams. The color of the nipples was the white tenderness with a hint of pink that I expected, and they were just the right amount of plumpness. I can already feel her slightly rapid breathing, just as she can feel my shaking heart. I put my hands on it and rubbed it carefully. Liu trembled first, then breathed more rapidly. The night wind became much cooler, but the hot blood surged in my bones. Do you like it? I stuck out my tongue and touched Liu's shoulder, SMelling of a sweaty and salty feminine scent. Um. she gasped. Are you afraid? Well, no. continue? Um. I kept kissing her breasts, holding her waist with my right hand, and moved my left hand to her private parts. Many shots keep changing and changing rapidly, making people dizzy. She couldn't bear it any longer, so she held my thing and rubbed it vigorously. I like that feeling and the feeling on her hands. She is different from sister Lan or even any other woman. Unsophisticated but not unfamiliar, understanding but not skilled. At the moment when both of us were about to enter the hallucination, I turned on the nozzle. Although the water was not very large and even a little intermittent, it was enough to keep us awake. We didn't say much, and we carefully cleaned each other's bodies, including the most private parts. Has it happened before? She held my thing, carefully cleaned it, and raised her head to ask. No. I shook my head. Do you like it? Very good Chapter 6 She is not a Virgin Chapter 16 She is not a Virgin. I believe she is not a Virgin, which is what I expected, at least before I saw her. You know, having sex with a Virgin is a hassle, especially thinking about onenightstand. During this period and since then, I have more or less violated this truth and made many knowing mistakes. Then let yourself feel that sex is an extremely boring thing. I went to Jinan two years ago and did that with a Virgin who was a junior in college. After struggling all night, I was exhausted and couldn't feel anything at all. That seemed to be my first time, with a girl I had known for less than two hours, in a hotel deep in an alley. I vaguely remember that the alley seemed to be immersed in the night rain, including the illuminated signboard of the SMall hotel. We didn't dare to turn on the light, maybe because we didn't want to see each other be so honest. Being human, we always need some cover-up. The night and the sound of rain cover up our eyes and hearing. My thing couldn't get up no matter what. Later I learned from some books that it was an environmental type of impotence, which is a conditioned reflex. I leaked within 30 seconds after entering.Fang still felt extremely painful. Then I saw a lot of blood flowing out of her, and I felt a sense of fear, like a criminal. After I came back, I worried for a while. I had impotence and premature ejaculation at such a young age, and there was really no way I could save it. I was eighTeen years old and a freshman in college. It was not until later, after more than two years of confused life, that I finally discovered that I didn’t have to worry about those things at all. Liu Xiaowan and I sat side by side on the edge of the bed. I narrated so indifferently, and she listened carefully. At that time, she was wearing gray flOral pajamas, very soft, and no Underwear. Things in the past that have left a mark on your memory will be a kind of harm. she whispered. There is no mark to speak of, let alone harm. For me, it's just a way to show off, to prove the number of girls or women I've played with. I gritted my teeth and SMiled bitterly. If it is proven, what can it mean? She SMiled too, a wry SMile. Doesn’t explain anything. I just want to make the number of women who sleep with me a monotonically increasing function, and the larger the slope, the better. Time is the horizontal axis and space is the vertical axis. When I really lost interest in women, I went to look for men. To be honest, I think there are more homosexuals than heterosexuals. I lit a cigarette. I like cigarettes, but SMoking is not my habit. She said nothing, just sighed slightly. You see, Lao Wei is so kind to me and never interferes in my life. It would be great if there was a Lover like this. Those are not things that women can do, they only exist between men. But now I am not mature enough to accept homosexuality. What’s more, Lao Wei doesn’t even know how to play with women. Extreme things like homosexuality would kill him. I took a sharp drag and blew out a SMoke ring. I turned to look at her quietly. She lowered her head, looking very demure, which made me feel nothing. I went to Fuzhou last year. On Guping Road, it should be a SMall overpass anyway, and I saw several contact numbers for "gay Homes" on the side of the steps. I was very curious at the time, but then I found it boring. Thinking about it, it was no different from masturbation. The cigarette is getting shorter and shorter, and there is a long section of cigarette ash that I don’t have time to flick away, like an unfinished love affair. I lowered my head and said no more. That is a disease and a taboo. Just one nightstand, no word. But I actually said so much, which I never expected. Time is also like SMoke, shortening little by little and being flicked off by my long and white fingers. There isn't a woman who doesn't like my fingers, and I mean that I've met. The most beautiful parts of my body are my fingers, especially the middle finger and ring finger of my left hand. This is what sister Lan said. She likes me to slide those two fingers into her body more than my penis. But I prefer the little finger, the little finger of my right hand. 17 My right little finger is numb. When I was seven years old, I got into a fight with a neighbor’s kid. He pressed my right hand to the ground, then raised a white stone and SMashed it down so hard that my little finger was twisted and deformed. Since then, it has been cold no matter what season it is, and there has been no sign of growth. That's my secret. I held on to this secret like an illusion until IMeet Liu Xiaowan. Among everything around me, or everything I encounter in my life, the little finger of my right hand is the only constant thing. So, I think it's extremely important. 18 I had sex with Liu Xiaowan. Thinking about it carefully, it seems that I have never done this with many women, but I have always longed for it. Li Jia and I have also done this. Every time we think about each other on a deeper level, I seem to be unusually rational. Stopped abruptly. It's like watching a movie. When the plot reaches its climax, there is a sudden power outage. Li Jia will be somewhat disappointed, and so will I. I bit my lip and sat at my desk, looking out the window. Downstairs is a courtyard where several old ladies are chatting. Going out is an alley, under a big tree, and the word "tree" is in traditional Chinese. Li Jia wrote an article about this alley. I like the quiet and indifferent way of narration, which she didn't have before. When I entered Liu, it was as easy and comfortable as I imagined. I asked Liu if he liked that feeling, the feeling of being invaded a little bit. She was speechless. Occasionally murmuring, I think she is happy, at least physically. How old were you when you had your first time? I asked as I exercised. She raised her eyelids, glanced at me, stuck out her tongue and licked her lips. It was a satisfying gesture, or so I thought. She still didn't speak. You make me happy, which cannot be replaced by others. I took a breath and continued. You lie on top of me, hold me, and don’t move. Liu finally spoke, quietly. I lowered her legs, and then carefully lay on her body. The thing still stayed inside, and I didn't move. I hugged her shoulders tightly and we kissed. For the first time, I felt that her lips were delicious. She closed her eyes slightly and twisted her lower body carefully while I just kissed her. Time seemed to have stood still, and I was hiding behind the illusion to peer into the reality. She started to want me. I wanted it extremely crazily, and for the first time I felt what excitement was. Unprecedented. After it was over, we didn’t say much. She let me hold her, so I held her and slept quietly until dawn. After waking up, we continue to do it. From 10:30 to 1:20 in the afternoon, with occasional short breaks in the middle, we ushered in a longer continuation. Nearly suicidal. I laugh. You understand, but why bother? Liu Ye SMiled bitterly. I don’t want to say more, that will make me think and make me unhappy. I don’t want that, I don’t want that, any momentary thought will tear my heart apart. That feeling is more terrifying than decadence and indulgence. We continued to have sex, maybe it was just me who continued to have sex. Making Love is exhausting joy. I like the dizzy feeling after ejaculation, extremely close to death. Chapter 7 The Obsolete Condom NineTeen Liu Xiaowan and I disappeared for several days. In these days, Li Jia made countless calls to our dormitory, as well as to my former classmates, including Lao Wei. Only Lao Wei knows the truth, but he won't tell it. As I told you before, we are friends, we understand each other, we know what to say and what to say.Shouldn't say that. What Li Jia is about to face is the college entrance examination, an exam that I value more than she does - I stand from the perspective of her parents. Her parents know about her and me, so I just hope she can do a little better in the college entrance examination. Then I broke up with her, at least it didn't make me feel even more guilty. The feeling of guilt is far worse than someone stabbing you. Facing my father, I feel guilty enough. He hoped that I could finish four years of college safely, get a diploma, and then be drowned in the mediocre society like everyone else. My father thought a lot about me, but all his ideas were more blind and metaphysical than mine, but they seemed more realistic. ​I don’t want that. I want to write, I want to pursue bullshit ideals. I don’t want to be drowned, I don’t want to meet myself in the vast sea of ​​people. I want to let myself change, give myself the opportunity to change, and see what I become. I don’t want to live in a program and become a known quantity for others. I want to solve the unknown quantity myself. childish. Also ridiculous. When you can't be mature, please be childish. When you can't help but be ridiculous, then please be ridiculous. At least you won’t feel embarrassed. I am neither naive nor mature; I am neither ridiculous nor un-ridiculous. I was somewhere in between, and when you add that thing called guilt, I became the most embarrassing person. I desperately wanted to drop out of School, but I also deeply realized that dropping out of School would be a blow to my father, and maybe not just him. I dropped out of School. I may lose a lot of things that I shouldn't lose, and I may not get a lot of gains that I shouldn't. As people grow up, they become afraid of losing. I also began to realize that many people are more important than myself. It is said that that kind of awareness is called the bondage of care. Except for Old Wei, no one understood these heart-wrenching feelings, including Liu Xiaowan in front of him. Twenty I didn’t tell Liu Xiaowan about those feelings because I was afraid she would laugh at me. Li Jia once laughed at me, perhaps unintentionally, but this unintentional increase in my dislike of her. If you love someone, don't laugh at him, even if he doesn't love you at all. Twenty-one During the time when Liu Xiaowan and I disappeared, we were basically having sex. I didn’t eat in the morning, so I went to a SMall restaurant on Tianyou Road around two o’clock in the afternoon to have something to eat. She likes to eat noodles and has inherited their local tradition. She does not eat pork and inherits their national tradition. I eat everything, so I inherit nothing. When we had sex, we wore condoms once. In other words, there were 12 condoms in the box that Lao Liu bought, and one of them was extremely honored to participate in our war. I threw the remaining 11 into the refrigerator for people who are good at discovering new things. But having sex with a condom is really boring, not only for me but also for Liu. We all found it boring, and we reached a consensus that condoms became an extremely unwelcome third party. The third party is inherently tragic and cannot escape its fate. I like to ejaculate on her thighs, then grit my teeth and give her an ugly SMile. She always avoided my SMile intentionally or unintentionally, and I asked her several times why.She said, your SMile is evil, making people timid and chilling. I stood aside, speechless.​ She is right. She understood my SMile, which was evil but also revealed a pale helplessness. I carried her to the balcony, the balcony on the seventh floor. Let her hold the guardrail with both hands and lift her buttocks while I enter her body from behind. The sultry wind filled the whole city with desire. I thought someone in the distance must have seen us having sex. I thought someone next door must have heard us having sex. I thought I was the only one who couldn't feel that I was having sex. The whole city of Nanchang was having sex and I was the only one panting from exhaustion. As I said this, Liu Xiaowan looked at me half-understanding. I like the way she looks at me. She always thinks that she has grown up, but in fact she is just a little kid. People who pretend to be mature can easily be taken advantage of. I will start to feel sorry for her at a certain moment, but it is more like feeling sorry for myself. Subtle changes in a person begin with certain subtle feelings. Chapter 8 It turns out you are here too 22 Before Liu Xiaowan came to Nanchang, we both promised each other that we would only have sex but not make love. That is to say, after putting on clothes she left and I walked away. Let's face the rest of our lives alone without having anything to do with each other. We just want to be happy and let our bodies be happy. In the first three days when we were lost together, we had a good grasp of each other and rarely asked about each other's lives. I didn't tell her about Li Jia, and she didn't tell me anything else. Most of our communication is nothing more than body language communication. Various postures and practices, everything I can think of, everything I come into contact with, we have studied thoroughly one by one. Most of the day is spent in bed, and most of the time in bed is having sex. We are all crazy. The turning point of the story, which is also the prologue to the tragedy, begins with Rene Liu's "So You're Here, Too". In other words, many of the following things have nothing to do with sex, but I don’t know what they have to do with it. I don’t think Liu Xiaowan knows either. bus No. 2 from the Train station to Qingshan intersection. When I took Liu Xiaowan on the No. 2 bus, I never thought of getting off at the Qingshan intersection. I should have gotten off at the first few stops. There is bus No. 223 at the Qingshan intersection, bound for my Asshole School, where you may meet Lao Wei and Wang Wang, as well as many people who look familiar but are actually strangers. That was a place Liu shouldn't be there, and those people were people Liu shouldn't see. But she went and saw it. Because of Rene Liu, because of "So You Are Here Too", because when I heard that song, I held the hand of a girl named Liu Xiaowan in my hand. My eyes were fixed on the TV screen on the handrail, the bus was online, Rene Liu's persistent and pale voice. The song was repeated several times, and on the third time, I found myself crying. first time listening. Liu Xiaowan asked quietly. Um. I nodded. Do you like it? Um. Me too, but I always feel like I’ve heard it somewhere. oh. Why are you crying? I won’t cry! We got off at the stop at Qingshan intersection. She screamed at the top of her lungs, I couldn't seeSeeing her expression clearly, tears blocked our eyes. We hugged each other tightly, and the entire street and countless street lights lit up instantly. We kissed, kissed like crazy. The whole city of Nanchang is wet, and the early summer rain comes so timely. The trees on the street became ambiguous and whirling in the night rain and the shadows of lights. The rain has been falling, and although it is early summer, it still feels like early spring. The slender and lingering rain, the cool night breeze, the dim and hazy lights. bus No. 223 drove slowly, the breeze brought in the drizzle, and we kissed as if no one else was watching. I heard that it seems to be love. Just heard. On the 23rd, I took her to see Lao Wei, and I will read with you along the way. When I held her hand and walked on the dimly lit campus paths at night, I actually felt a sense of happiness. We rarely talk, we just look at each other, and I like the look in her eyes. I think she is the kind of person who understands me more or less, and walking with that kind of person makes me feel more or less happy. Lao Wei didn't say much, just said vaguely, Chen, no matter what, you must know what you are doing. I nodded and then asked myself, do I know what I am doing? I don’t know. In fact, it doesn’t matter whether you know what you are doing. What matters is whether you are happy now. As long as you are happy, don't think too much. The result of thinking too much will be unhappiness. I'm afraid of being alone, especially standing in front of the mirror. I'm afraid of my own eyes. Wang Wang and Xiao He were also present, showing my favorite Leslie Cheung. We sat across from each other in the only seat reserved for couples in the book bar. A warm lamp hung directly above us, shining a dim light, and there was a tan curtain behind us, which looked very ambiguous. I think that’s how I fell in love with the woman in front of me. Her name is Liu Xiaowan. Love is a bit absurd and hasty, and you don't even have time to think. My love does not require thinking, just like my life. The result of any thinking can only be to make me give up and then accept the unnecessary pain. Maybe it's not love, but a great desire for love - almost a luxury. People who don’t believe in love still have yearning and longing for love in their bones. In other words, the people who are truly hurt and disabled by love are often those who do not believe in love. Because I didn't believe it, I followed my feelings, so I was completely invested, so I was in a mess and bruised all over. Chapter 9 Solo Twenty-Four At this point in the story, it is connected with the beginning. We did not go back to live on the seventh floor of a building on Tianyou Road next to the Train station. I let her live in our dormitory, and when it was time for class, I took her to class. I haven't taken a class in over a month and I'm tired of the scripted nonsense. And then there's the bastard fact that I can't explain clearly. I just want to drop out of School or get kicked out of School. But I always have to think and make myself unhappy. My father lives in my illusion, far away in a SMall mountain village in Ganzhou. Even if it is far away, it suddenly appears in front of me again, I mean that feeling of guilt. My current plan is to take it one day at a time and wait until the red light hangs high, when I couldn't bear so much glory in my life, I disappeared into this bastard School like SMoke. Even if I don't leave, they will drive me away, and then my father will have nothing to say. But perhaps the more heartbreaking pain is that I will never be as free and easy as I say now, unless I die. I know that I will never be happy. The price of growing up is that people forget to sing, but I insist on singing deviant songs with bloodshot eyes and a hoarse voice. The ending can only be that scene: I sang hard, singing alone, hoarse and exhausted. Red blood gushed out from his nose, mouth, eyes, and ears. My voice still rings, like the wail of a ghost, or the call of death. No one understood it, but no one was moved by it. I hope you are the one who understands and is moved by me. I chose to sing, and I also chose to bleed from all the orifices, be covered in bruises, and be ignored. I'm going to start singing. Listen, don't cry. On the 25th, Liu Xiaowan and I were walking on the road outside the School’s side entrance, occasionally making fun of the fire hydrant numbered 007. The sound of our footsteps is a little different, I can't tell clearly, but I like that feeling anyway. As you continue walking, the cement road turns into a yellow mud road. Although the width has not changed, the dust can definitely block your view, just like Shuanggang Road two years ago. Fortunately, there are fewer and fewer cars, the dusk is getting lower and lower, and a sunset is floating in the illusion. We started to have a little more words, and this is how the understanding started to accumulate little by little. She has a younger brother who doesn't study hard and doesn't even know what he can do or want to do. He is immersed in online games and is a complete mess. There is also a father - nonsense, I can see that some years ago, she was full of delusions of admiration for her father, which should be explained as an Electra complex. She told me a lot of interesting things about her childhood, which was just like my childhood, as happy as an idiot. She said that after she graduated from elementary School, she still liked to run around shirtless. Her father was chasing her behind her, trying to catch her back to get dressed, but she just didn't buy it. She ran as fast as she could, with the two braids on the back of her head dancing wildly from side to side, like a scarecrow in the spring breeze. She kept running along the ancient streets, running towards the outside of the city. Outside the city was a village and a cornfield that stretched beyond the horizon. She was just like that, running and disappearing. When the night fell, she opened the familiar door and found that her father was old, so old that she felt a little strange. Then she seemed to remember that her father would go out to do some wood business before this, but never did it again. He just stayed at Home, as if waiting for something extremely important to come. Many years have passed, and she still doesn't know what her father is waiting for, except for the return of her and her Brother from the holidays. School is over, they go Home, and their father basically won't let them go out. I always like to watch them silently, saying nothing and doing nothing. It has become a habit. The time it takes for a person to form a habit is enough for him to grow old. When Liu Xiaowan talks about those things, he willHe caressed the bangs on his forehead and pursed his lips slightly. I was afraid that she would talk about her father, or in other words, I was afraid that anyone would mention his father in front of me, including Lao Wei. Lao Wei said that his father already regarded him as the pillar of the Family, and would often call him to ask him to get an old mobile phone to take Home, or wait for him to send how much money he wanted to send Home. During the Spring Festival last year, he saw his father playing the erhu leisurely in the yard. He no longer had any hope in life, except for his dependence on him. At that time, he began to realize that he had matured. You mature prematurely, often because some people in your life grow old prematurely. I dare not think about my father. I don't know whether I should mature or continue my childishness and willfulness. In my first semester of college, when I watched my father give me living expenses with his trembling right hand, I vowed to support myself. After that, I basically didn’t ask for money from my Family, except for part of the tuition fees. But money can't eliminate guilt. "The terrible guilt, please don't mention it again." 42-End Lao Wei was indeed drunk that night. Like an outsider, I watched him drink cup after cup. Regarding the affairs between him, Lao Liu and several other people, I was originally an outsider, and I never thought about having deeper interactions. My friends are limited. If there are too many, I’m afraid I won’t have the energy to be nice to them. I am even more afraid that being like Lao Wei now, repeatedly dealing with pain and separation will make me feel tired. Liu occasionally picks up food for me, and like me, looks at the strangers indifferently. Someone started to cry, it was Lao Liu. He hugged Xiao He and started crying. Let me explain first, Xiao He is not his girl, for now. Xiaohe maintains an extremely ambiguous relationship with Lao Wei, Lao Liu and Wang Wang. Wang Wang likes Xiao He, that's something I know. He told me about it. The first thing he introduced to me was Xiao He. However, when they met formally, it was Lao Wei who acted as the introducer. Old Liu seems to like Xiao He too. What girl wouldn't like someone like Old Liu. If a cat is hungry, it can eat anything with a fishy SMell. I understand Lao Liu's mood at that moment best. I once had the same situation. A girl asked me if I liked her. I thought she just wanted me to tell her that I liked her. I just said it, and then we went to bed. Things like that are very simple, as long as you pretend to be sincere enough. Xiao He likes Lao Wei, and anyone with a discerning eye can see that. Lao Wei has a girlfriend named Miss W, which everyone in the industry knows. Xiaohe accepted the fact that in order to continue their ambiguity, he called Lao Wei his Brother, which made Lao Liu and Wang Wang somewhat jealous. When Liu Xiaowan and I lived in Lao Liu's house, Lao Liu came over once and chatted with us for a while, talking about Xiao He and Lao Wei. He said that if Lao Wei breaks up with Miss W, then Miss W will most likely commit suicide. But he still thinks that Lao Wei and Xiao He are better together. I don't know what aspect he thinks is better. What kind of girl is Xiao He? I don’t know why I always look at her with such prejudice. In order to avoid certain suspicions, I went to Lao WeiIn front of them, such a girl was hardly mentioned. Their affairs were too complicated. I'm not a person who likes complexity, so I didn't want to get involved. I once told Lao Wei that you should just sleep with Xiao He. I’m not sure whether she’s a Virgin or not, but she’s definitely not bad. The condition for me to say that was that Lao Wei mentioned her in front of me many times. Does Lao Wei like Xiao He, more or less a little bit. But I know that he doesn't like Miss W. It's almost the same as my dislike of Li Jia. After I said that, Lao Wei looked very disdainful and said, "Go, don't bring your good style into my life." I SMiled, too lazy to argue with him. The drunker Old Liu got, the more he talked. They made a newspaper called "Jiangnan students". After uniting various colleges and universities in Nanchang, there was a large group of enthusiastic elements at first, all thinking about being young and promising. Lao Wei is the editor-in-chief and is responsible for the editing and editing of the newspaper, while Lao Liu is responsible for raising money and controlling the economic lifeline. When they first started, I poured cold water on Lao Wei. In the end, maybe you are the only one. Lao Wei said confidently, no, we are all buddies and people who want to do something. I didn't want to say anything more. When a person's enthusiaSM is high, everything you say is superfluous. Give him a chance to see the results. I've never been in the mood to join in the fun of things like that. When the newspaper reaches the end, everything that needs to be scattered is scattered. There is only one person named Xu Xiaogang from China Southern Airlines. He and Lao Wei and Lao Liu continue the unfinished mission of history. We didn't have enough funds. We had all the layout and other things done, but we just didn't have the money to print. When I got a few Dollars and thought I could print it, other printers would be afraid to poke holes in it when they saw that there was no serial number. During those days, Lao Wei was exhausted. Exams were approaching in all Schools, and Comrade Xu Xiaogang naturally had to prepare for the exams, leaving two monks, Old Wei and Old Liu, to carry water. Then came the present, and Lao Liu was leaving. Although the newspaper has found a printing house and started printing, the funds are still not enough. Lao Wei kept drinking, but I didn't try to persuade him. He was tired and he needed to get drunk. Then I thought about Miss W. Why was she not there when Lao Wei needed her? Then I thought of Li Jia. When I needed comfort the most, she kept asking me to say something nice. I’ve long stopped playing with children’s love games. But Li Jia is still a little girl, and I can't help her not to like playing house love. Playing love, at least there are not many worries, and it can be completely romantic. But I am exhausted physically and mentally, how the hell do I have the energy to be romantic with you. There are so many things that make me exhausted, overwhelming. You don’t understand, you don’t know, and you can’t help, so how can I love? When Lao Liu talked about the newspaper, he still felt guilty. Old Wei slammed the wine glass on the table, Old Liu, if you want to fucking leave, just leave cleanly and don't worry about anything else. A drunk person may not always hesitate when speaking. Lao Wei would be very scrupulous about speaking at ordinary times, at least he would not say the word "fuck"Come. But that night he spoke out, and his speaking speed was much faster than before. Before Lao Liu could say anything, he came next: Lao Liu, you always do things from beginning to end. If you don't change, you won't be able to accomplish anything in this life. I'm just unlucky to have met you and become your friend. Look back and see, which thing did you do beautifully, from beginning to end? No! If you still think that I am your friend, then don’t say or do anything now, go to your own Beijing, and never come back until you become a good person. I don’t know if Lao Liu is drunk. But Lao Wei was drunk, Lao Liu was gone, and he was the only one left with the remaining matters. I once said how about I do something. Lao Wei said, "Write it carefully for me and write it clearly. Never touch it for things like newspapers. I'm tired of seeing it now." Lao Wei is really tired. I don’t know what I can do to help him. Old Liu, listen to me... Old Wei suddenly started crying. Lao Liu no longer thought about hugging Miss Xiao He. He and Lao Wei hugged each other, their faces full of tears. I raised the cup and took a dull sip. Liu looked at me with concern and whispered, Chen, don't drink so much. There are still many things to do, I just want to do something to help him. I didn't expect that there were tears in my pupils. Liu reached out his left hand, held my right hand, and looked at me carefully. It will get better, it will. she said. Many people cried. Wang Wang came in at that time. Without saying anything, he picked up a bottle of wine, leaned on the table, slapped the bottle cap open with his hand. As soon as I raised my neck, the gurgling bottomed out. He picked up the bottle with his left hand, and the index finger and middle finger of his right hand blew towards the bottleneck, and the bottleneck flew into the crowd at the table opposite. Someone over there got up and said: You have gone too far. Wang Wang didn't say anything, walked over, approached the person who was speaking, picked up half of the wine bottle, and SMashed it down on the person's face. The glass shards SMashed his hand. The man's head was so damn hard that it was fine. The man just stared at Wang Wang blankly, not daring to say anything. Wang Wang raised his left hand, flicked away the broken glass pieces that stuck into his palm, SMiled bitterly, and went out. No one cried anymore, they all looked at his back indifferently, a little at a loss, maybe it was something else. I held Liu tightly in my arms and kissed her. On the night of forty-four, Old Liu left, and for the first time I paid the bill generously. I'm talking about people who are not friends. If we eat together like that, I basically won't pay the bill. It may also be because of this reason that I have so few friends, just enough. The boss gave me the bill, which was fucking 175 yuan. I just received the 260 yuan from "Straits" magazine in the afternoon, and in the blink of an eye, I spent more than half of it. Old Wei went to see Old Liu off, and Xiao He also went. They wanted to see Old Liu off at the Train station. Liu Xiaowan and I only sent him to the School gate as a token of our gratitude to Liao Biao for staying the night. Wangwang was not there, as I expected. No one mentioned him, and everyone knew what was wrong. He and Lao Liu partnered up to have a book with you all the way. They owed a lot of debt and left a lot of things unfinished. Lao Liu ran away without saying a word.. Wang Wang is not Lao Wei. Lao Wei doesn't care about Lao Liu's irresponsibility and can explain everything with friendship. Wang Wang cannot explain it. I can't explain it. If my friend did that, I would rather not have that friend. Friends are friends, things are things, the two things should not be confused. Maybe because of this, I have very few friends, but no matter how few, they are still enough. Lao Liu and Xiao He walked in front, Liu Xiaowan and I walked behind, and Lao Wei hung in the middle alone. Lao Wei walked very calmly, unlike Lao Liu, who consciously or unconsciously wanted to take advantage of others. Also because Old Wei walked so calmly, it was difficult for me to tell whether he was drunk or awake. Maybe it doesn't matter anymore, as long as you live. Living is already very difficult, what else can you ask for? As long as an animal like Keren is alive, it will definitely come up with ideas. For example, I have already had a fucking embarrassing life, being in a mess in this messed up School, with the red light hanging high. Damn it, that's nothing. What's more terrible is the person called father. He always thought that I would live and work peacefully in School and one day bring glory to their Family. I am not in the mood to solve these things, and they are not something I can solve at the moment, but I am still alive. If I throw away those things, I have to find something else to replace them. I had no choice but to find girls, occasionally write something, and occasionally chat with Lao Wei. Life is so fucking boring. Liu's appearance made me find a little bit of meaning. I'm not talking about sex, sex is boring. If you think having sex with someone is interesting, then you might as well give it a try. If you do it with the same girl, you will feel bored if you repeat it two or three times at most. What Liu gave me was something else. As for what it was, even I didn’t know. If I figured it out, I might find it equally boring. For Aquarius people, without the sense of mystery, there is nothing. Although I don't really believe it, I can't help but understand it from time to time. Western constellation theory is a combination of statistics and psychology, and it is not completely nonsense. We took Lao Liu and the others to the School gate. It was not very late at that time, and there was still the last bus. But Lao Liu raised his hand and a Shanghai Volkswagen Taxi approached us under the cover of darkness. Lao Liu is a person who needs face and is also impatient. I witnessed it with my own eyes that night. Lao Wei didn't say anything. That kind of expense would be more or less nothing to a person who often hangs out with Lao Liu. If you often stay with pigs, you will find that eating, drinking, sleeping and sleeping are all instinctive. You go back! Don't give it away. Old Wei lowered his head. I couldn't see his expression, maybe it was too dark at night, or maybe my eyesight didn't work well. As a witness to their friendship, I don’t need to see many things too clearly. I just accidentally witnessed it, and they didn't need my testimony. Forty-five They got on the bus. Old Liu still held Xiao He, and Old Wei became an outsider. The taxi drove away, and looking at their backs, I began to wonder if I had just asked Old Wei to leave. Not every man is like me and puts friends first. I'm not saying that Lao Liu doesn't take his friends seriously., but his approach is a bit biased. At least it is true that Xiao He prefers Lao Wei, and it is also true that Lao Wei does not dislike Xiao He. Then he can't be like Huang Shirong, especially not in front of his Brothers. If my Brother and I fell in love with the same girl, I would probably not continue our great love. Even if that girl really liked me and not my poor Brother, I still wouldn't continue. You know, girls will change. No matter how you change, Brother, damn it, you have to change sooner, you have to wait until today. The incubation period of the girl's disease is much longer than that of the Brother's disease. The longer the incubation period, the more dangerous and fatal it is to you. Like my first fucking love, fuck, both of us are sickly in love. By accident, she recovered, leaving me alone, lying on the hospital bed embarrassed to get up. Later I got really sick. Thinking about our past and our present, no one cares about our future. I fell on the hot bed of time, hanging on to a bit of memory every day, and suffered for more than three years. I looked haggard and skinny, and became more and more sexy - a girl named Annie Baby said that the thinner a man is, the sexier he becomes. According to her, those junkies with ribs should be the best in sex appeal. During my illness, I had to have a few girls visit me, and they came and went in a hurry. Except for the one named Li Jia, no one wanted to be sick with me. Now that I have Miss Liu Xiaowan, she said that she is willing to be sick with me forever, so I promised her that I would let Miss Li Jia see a doctor after the college entrance examination. Let’s digress and go back to the topic of my friend and I falling in love with the same girl. Lao Wei and I once plotted that we were going to find a girl who would like both of us. Then we were like in the movie "When the Flowers Bloom", our shared property Huanzi, 135 belonged to Lao Wei, 246 belonged to me, and Huanzi rested on Saturdays. Lao Wei must be like Gao Ju, who only takes her to watch those disgusting movies. And I think my program should be richer. I would take her to our dormitory, drive away all the classmates, and have sex while watching porn. When my aunt knocked on the door, I would yell at the injustice, "Don't make any noise, I'm busy." I took her to the football field again. We had sex under the cover of the sky. It was very exciting to have sex like that. Unexpectedly, there was also a night patrol by the School guard, which made both of us frightened. I can also take her to the riverside, where there is a natural grassland, and we can have sex in the grass. Watching the sunset while having sex, half river rustling and half river red, it is not the night of the third day of September, there is no need to worry about Bai Juyi peeping. Lao Wei and I have never found such a girl. Such a thorough plan at the beginning is just a joke played by fate on us today. Old Wei will always be just Old Wei, and I will always be just Chen Cang. If I change my name to Qin Huo, I have eyes, a nose, a skinny body, and an ambitious soul. The mountain is still the same mountain! What can you do to me, or rather, what can I do to you. Forty-six said so much, it seems that he only told you that Lao Liu is finally gone. A person who has nothing to do with me is gone. Lao Wei went to see him off as a friend who works part-time as a light bulb. Xiao He went out of humanitarianiSM to see him off.Helplessly being taken advantage of by Lao Liu, Liu Xiaowan and I embraced each other in the night. These are facts, facts that have happened, facts that neither you nor I can change. If I leave one day, I don’t know if anyone will come to see me off. I suddenly became a little sad. Haha, I will. Liu comforted. I hope so too, but I don’t think it will happen. I SMiled bitterly. When I leave, I hope everyone who came to see me off will leave. I think the girl in our class who had a cold with me for half the semester should say goodbye to me symbolically. Maybe not. We just had a minor cold and were not even hospitalized. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters to me. I just left School early. As long as my father doesn't know about it - but that's impossible. Uncle counselor has repeatedly threatened me with this, you are awesome, continue your writing, the School will force you to drop out, let’s see how you deal with it! It’s up to you to find a job if you’re out of society and don’t have a diploma. To be honest, I’m talking about Xiao Chen. I didn’t hear much of what he said. I only said that it’s okay to drop out of School. Just don’t inform my father who has lived for half a century. That's impossible. The counselor uncle discovered my weakness. Then they came to me N times, and they always used my father to blackmail me. Little by little I gave in, and then little by little I became helpless. I'm almost going crazy. Why do institutions of higher learning, which strongly promotes non-examination-oriented education, still insist on instilling the concept that scores are the first priority? What happened to our education. Our education is not very good. If you want to discuss it, it means you are still young, and Han Han is still young. Educate it like that, what can you do about it? Whatever you want to do to it will end up being what it does to you. You have something on your mind. Liu Xiaowan looked at me carefully. No, just thinking, haha. I pretended to be relaxed. You will make me feel bad. Liu said softly. I miss my father. I lowered my head. It will get better, don't worry. You should try your best to prepare for the exam first. If you can pass it, if you can't, then ask the Teacher to find a solution. I think your counselor cares about you. No matter what the purpose is, you should not refuse his help. Liu Xiaowan put my right hand on the heart of her left hand. Counselor? He was so snobbish that even if his daughter wanted to participate in a new concept essay contest and wanted me to tutor her blindly for a few days, I was disgusted with that kind of thing. Last time, his girl was going to participate in some competition in the city and she forced me to tell her something. As a result, she found an article in my column and copied it almost word for word

, won the first prize, and spread it around with a proud face. Let me say what I say about him. You need his help now. How can your father stand it if you drop out of School like that? Don’t talk about my father, I get annoyed thinking about him now. You can't... use annoyance as an excuse not to face the problem. You will have to face it sooner or later, so you might as well start early. At least you won't wait until things can't be changed before you do whatever you want. Wouldn't it be more painful for you at that time?, I don’t want to see you look more depressed than you are now, you know. I think you're quite wordy, so you can't stop saying a few words and don't tell me those things! Qin Huo! No, Chen Cang! How can you say that? ! What happened to me? What do you think happened to me? ! Okay, I'm too lazy to argue with you. Who is following whom? On the night of forty-seven, Liu Xiaowan and I had our first quarrel, and it was a fierce quarrel. How could I not know that she was doing this for my own good, at least for me to explain herself better in front of my father. But what can I do? Things are not that simple today. More importantly, I just didn't want to be in School anymore. On the way back to the dormitory, I didn’t talk to Liu. Although I wanted to say something to her, at least apologize, but when I was about to apologize, she apologized to me first. I was also convinced once again that there was something between us that allowed us to be together forever. I walked in front, walking a little fast, and she kept lagging behind. She quickened her pace, stepped forward and pulled my right hand, and I slowed down her pace in response. You are still angry. She mumbled and asked quietly. No. I pretended to be indifferent and said. He said no and stopped talking to me. She was still mumbling. You say it. I still pretended to be indifferent and indifferent. If you're really not angry, then you should SMile. Her appearance makes you unable to bear to continue pretending, and so do I. I stopped pretending, I held her in my arms, kissed her, and told her I loved her. I never thought I would shed tears with conscience at that moment. There is a row of camphor trees on the right hand side, swaying in the night shadows; on the left hand side is a telephone booth, China Railway Telecom, which came into being at the wrong time. They have witnessed our love. I believe that even if one day we forget that there was a moment when we loved so deeply, they will definitely remember those trees and the phone booth. Because, in this absurd world, there are not many things worth remembering. When I wanted to kiss for a while, the weather was not kind and it actually rained. Xiao Xiaoyu in early summer is a bit crazy. We returned to the dormitory at the speed of senior Ye Zhichao who ran five hundred miles in one night. Fortunately, we were not caught by the aunt's guard. We went to bed very early that night and made love under the sheets. My Brother who was sleeping on the bunk above me accidentally sneezed, giving us a false alarm. Not long after we entered, the Brother on the upper bunk coughed, and we had another false alarm. When we were getting a little excited, that idiot on the upper bunk actually started talking in his sleep, and we got another false alarm! After three false alarms, let alone sex, he didn't even want to kiss. Two words: embarrassing! Four words: It’s really embarrassing! Six words: How fucking embarrassing! Forty-eight Lao Liu is really gone. A Train numbered T108 pulled him away at 1:51 in the morning, and the eyes of Lao Wei and Xiao He headed towards Beijing. According to a trustworthy person, Xiao He cooperated with the director and cried heartily, which made Wei feel sad again. In the time after Lao Liu was taken away, Lao Wei took Xiaohe and tried hard in the news Office in the waiting hall.Find an back issue of Sprout magazine. Finally found it, Lao Wei used the most agile skills to pay, paid with the most handsome movements, took the magazine, and spoke to Xiao He in the most emotional tone: I can't do anything more for you, about Lao Liu Escape. You once asked me to find that magazine for you, but I never found it. That kid Qin Huo is really not a Brother enough. He bought that copy. He would rather tear it up and use it as toilet paper than let me give it to you. But I finally found it today. Nothing is difficult in the world, as long as there are people who are willing. Chairman Mao said so. He is indeed a great man. We have the foresight to know that we flowers are going to be physically and mentally exhausted by an outdated magazine, so we have to prepare the best medicine for deprivation. The trustworthy person is Lao Wei, the director is Lao Wei, who else can be the script writer and actor. When Lao Wei talked about that with me, there was a cloud on his face. At that moment, I don’t know if that idiot thought about Miss W, but I won’t mention it because he definitely doesn’t want me to mention it. He said those words to me much later, when nothing mattered. Lao Wei and Xiao He took a taxi back from the Train station. According to the trustworthy person, it was exactly 3:30 in the morning. Xiao He climbed through the window and returned to their dormitory. Old Wei was not stronger than Xiao He, but he couldn't climb through the window. The main reason is that he doesn't want to crawl, he is not me. If it were me, I would definitely climb in with Xiaohe and sleep on the same bed with her in my arms. If Xiaohe doesn't object, we can do something else. Lao Wei entered the bookstore All the Way with You in despair, fell to the ground and fell asleep. The mosquitoes that had been lying in wait for a long time swarmed forward. Old Wei was unable to resist, so he simply didn't bother to resist. Thanks to those mosquitoes, I know for sure that something said by that trustworthy person is true. I didn't bother to ask about anything else. I knew a little bit. Old Wei seemed to have some feelings for Xiao He. The experience was the same as mine, and there was a girl dragging along with me. He is more stubborn than me and thinks that a man can only be sick with one girl at the same time. I'm used to being sick, and I have to find a few more girls before I can be properly sick. He seemed to have repeatedly brought Xiao He and Wang Wang together at the beginning. After that night, his behavior disappeared without a trace. Although I can't see that he has any other conspiracy against Xiao He, maybe the lack of conspiracy is the biggest conspiracy. Wang Wang was not present, and Lao Wei only said those words to me, because he knew that I only used words to betray him, not my mouth, and he liked to be betrayed. One likes to betray others, and the other likes to be betrayed by others. If two people like that can't be friends, who else can be friends? Forty-nine Liu Xiaowan has been out for many days. Her former friend Ms. Y left her a message on QQ asking her to go back as soon as possible. Liu didn't go back. Maybe she thought I was more important, or maybe things at School were too unimportant. But she is a more realistic person than me, or even less realistic than me. She studies well and may be very talented in coping with exams. She was not in a hurry, and I was too lazy to rush her. I needed her, the feeling of her beside me, and everything else became secondary. She told me about her and Miss Y. They want it very muchOkay, it’s almost as good as the relationship between me and Lao Wei. Later, Miss Y had a boyfriend, a foreign contractor. I met the two of them while contracting a project near their School. Liu said that when he first saw that person, he knew that he was not a good guy. He just wanted to sleep with girls. He was that kind of person. But Miss Y was willing, because she felt that she loved him, and when she loved him, she would give without hesitation, satisfy him, and even indulge him in the end. He doesn't love her, not from the beginning, never. Liu once went to see him with Miss Y. While Miss Y was taking a bath, he came up and hugged Liu and said, Liu, I don't love her, I like you. Then he strongly requested to find a suitable time to go to bed. When Liu said this, he SMiled bitterly. Miss Y is very pitiful. I said indifferently. She has fallen into his trap and cannot get out. Liu sighed. You should persuade her, or tell her what he did to you. I said. It doesn’t work, I tried it. She is so persistent. When it comes to feelings, girls are all like that. I don’t think it’s called emotion, it’s just mental retardation. Love does not require IQ. Maybe. I once persuaded her once. I said, if you continue to be with him, we should stop being friends. In the end, she didn't choose me, she chose him. For girls, love is the most important, there is no friendship, even if love is just an illusion. Liu momo said, she was in a daze. The betrayal of friendship is truly terrible. Betrayal is terrible. The fifty-year-old girl is no longer Liu’s friend. It's just the past tense. The past tense can only be used to recall, and the result of recall is helplessness. Then Liu chose to go online, and based on some feelings, he found my bastard novel, and finally came to Nanchang to find me. What the breakdown of her friendship with Miss Y means to her is becoming increasingly unclear to me. I just feel more and more clearly that Liu is just a child, even though she has repeatedly given me unusual feelings. A truly mature person, at least one who has grown up to a certain extent, will not take other people's betrayal seriously. Because no one in life is worthy of complete trust, except yourself. In other words, his trust in anyone is compromised. Leave some trust in yourself, at least you won't be too overwhelmed when you encounter betrayal. In other words, a truly mature person will not be at a loss. He knows what he should do and what he shouldn't do, and he can grasp it well. Any outside influence is secondary and does not even pose a threat at all. Liu can't do it, and neither can I. We need to mature and grow, that is to say, we need to take back trust to ourselves little by little. At least you can't give your trust too much to one person. That would also be extremely detrimental to you. No one can hurt you unless you care about him or her. In today's world, there are not many people worth caring about, except yourself. Regarding the friendship between Liu and Miss Y, I didn’t want to say anything more. But I was worried about Liu. I suddenly didn't know what she needed, or even the reason for what happened to us. realWhen you fall in love, suspicion is inevitable. I don't know why I think that way, or why I suspect it. But that’s what I fucking thought, and I was afraid of her inauthenticity, even though I was nakedly embracing a true love like fire. People are ridiculous, so you should understand that I am just as ridiculous as you. Fifty-one, Lao Wei has been repeating some sadness, although I know that using "sadness" to cover Lao Wei is useless. There are too many things in Lao Wei's life that have nothing to do with sadness. But Lao Liu's departure did make him show some signs of sadness, at least in those short few days. Liu Xiaowan was lucky enough to bump into the sad Old Wei. She was especially lucky to bump into the sad Old Wei together with me. If it were me, I might be happier: With Lao Liu gone, there is one less person to wipe the lotus oil, and the oil that should have been wiped by Lao Liu was left to me. But Lao Wei is just Lao Wei. He cannot live like me, and I will never live like Lao Wei. That is the limitation of Lao Wei and me. I know that if Wei and I fall in love with the same girl, I will run away from her. Lao Wei is a person who can give a girl happiness, but I am just a passerby on the road to happiness. There are too many uncertain factors in my bones, which make me doubt the existence of happiness. So in the end, my life was in a mess and changed beyond recognition. Lao Wei won't, at least he won't let the girl he likes bear anything. As for Miss W, my explanation can only be that he doesn't like her, but I'm not sure about Xiao He. I'm glad that Lao Wei doesn't like the girls I like, and I hate most of the girls he likes. Then I thought about it, if he got married and was taught to be more obedient by that girl, our bastard friendship might be over. Old Liu left as soon as he left. He was going to Beijing to meet Chairman Mao’s body, and you couldn’t keep him. I had tried to persuade Lao Wei in such extreme and joking ways several times, but I knew it was useless. If I can deceive their four-year friendship with a few jokes, then their pure friendship will be as pure as SMoke. It will disperse quickly when the breeze blows. I joked so much that I found it boring. Then I thought about it, it would be better to talk nonsense with Liu Xiaowan more, kiss more, and have sex more. I hope she can feel some of the feelings in my body, or even be attached to them, and let her miss me as much as I miss her. We kissed on the marble back stool diagonally across from the book bar with you all the way. The boys on the balcony of the dormitory building opposite kept shouting, as if they were encouraging us. To be honest, we don’t need encouragement, at least I don’t need encouragement. I hugged Liu's shoulders and kissed her lips. She snuggled happily in my arms, intoxicated. I carefully looked at her lightly closed eyes, her slightly curved eyebrows, and her quiet and gentle face. My left hand was getting closer to her slightly undulating chest, but eventually it slipped to her waist. I suddenly felt that any form of performance was blasphemous, or at least superfluous. I just want to hold her quietly like that, look at her, feel her, and be attached to her. The book bar has been with you all the way, and it will still be open without Lao Liu. Lao Liu has been in business for half a year and has lost half a million yuan, leaving a shell of his own and gritting his teeth.I don't know if it's friendship. Maybe it should be called Brotherhood. Friendship is too mediocre. But Wang Wang was disappointed with Lao Liu, and Lao Wei and the others knew those things well. I looked at the lights and thought about the few books I had collected on the bookshelf, but I only thought of Xu Zhimo's "Love Meisters", my Liu Xiaowan and Xu's Lu Xiaoman. Inexplicably, I thought of them. It's so similar. The lights in Fifty-Two Book Bar are my favorite dark yellow, and the curtains and door curtains are also my favorite tawny. They blend into Leslie Cheung’s voice, ambiguous and sad. When I was extremely happy, I fell in love with the ambiguity and sadness, and I didn't want to use more words to explain them. Before Liu came to Nanchang, before Lao Wei came back from his internship, and when no other girls came to me for sex, I lived in a state of confusion. I was so confused that I didn’t know how to eat. I often skipped meals. Maybe to some extent, I hated eating alone. But I know that I can’t afford to go to the bookstore, it’s too expensive, and I always sit there blindly. Occasionally I read books, occasionally see girls, more occasionally I listen to Leslie Cheung’s music, more occasionally it’s often. That’s how I got acquainted with Wang Wang. He told me about Xiao He and said that their Family was very rich. That is what I remember most about money. I was laughing at Wangwang in my heart, but I couldn't say it out loud. I felt that I was so awesome that I could even disguise myself. Then he told me how Xiaohe admired me and other words that gave me confidence. I accepted them all, and the initial ridicule was squeezed out of my heart. I accidentally fell into this trick, and suddenly I felt that even after five thousand years, no one could escape the traditional trick that we Chinese use to flatter people and wear top hats, including Chairman Mao and his elder Brother Biao. It almost caused Grandpa Mao to stumble. Fortunately, it was close, otherwise the history we learned would have to change its content. Occasionally, I can see Xiaohe. She always looks very polite, but she despises me in her heart. I also tried my best to pretend to be magnanimous and showed it by SMiling, showing eight teeth, so that she would have nightmares at night. But such a cold war still makes me feel boring after a long time. There are too few interesting things. Only Lao Wei is getting closer and closer to Xiao He, and he still doesn't find it boring. I told Lao Wei, you are so fucking energy-consuming, you can make love for so long, hundreds of sows have been fucked to death by you. Old Wei SMiled slightly, he was not as experienced as me. I looked at the lamp, rarely so quiet. Liu fell asleep, and the slight flow of air in her nostrils told me that she was still alive, happily living in my arms. That's how those messy trivial things flashed through my mind, and eventually faded away from my memory. I finally returned to silence, and wherever I returned, I returned to night and life. When Shisanliu woke up, the lights in the book bar were still on. There was a full moon floating in the night sky, as if it had become full by accident. Lao Wei said that when he looked at the moon, he only looked at the part of the moon that was not bright. In other words, on the night when the bright moon was in the sky, Lao Wei had no moon. I seem to remember saying it to Liu once, but I said it again that night. Liu looked at me carefully, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't. But I already understood what she was going to say. I SMiled slightly, kiss her. She didn't SMile, just looked at me quietly. We walked into the book bar together. Old Wei sat in the seat he was most accustomed to - the seat on the left near the bar. He greeted us, looking relaxed and unable to hide his tiredness. I didn't say anything, Liu said a few formal greetings, and we still sat at the table reserved for couples. We don't want anything. I looked at her, but I was thinking about Lao Wei. The newspaper matter seems to have been solved, but it only seems to have solved a piece of bullshit. I tried my best to ignore it, but I couldn't. Lao Wei is my friend. Damn, he has been a jerk for over 1,000 days. If there is nothing, maybe I should really jump off the building. But I know better that asking will only make Wei more upset, and the most important thing is that I can't help at all. ​But I have to ask. Especially when Lao Wei’s bunch of friends don’t even ask. When I asked, he was, as I imagined, impatient. The newspaper has been printed, with more than 5,000 copies. The printing fee of 2,000 yuan has not been paid at all. I said I would borrow money, and he SMiled bitterly. Two thousand yuan is not a SMall amount. I also know that anyone who is willing to lend you two thousand yuan must be your friend. Except for Lao Wei, Xiao Ming, and Xie Liubin, no one will do it. But none of them have it. It's not a matter of friendship, it's a matter of ability. I want it from my father. I was silent for a while, lowered my head, and said those six words in a dull voice. Chen, stop talking, don’t break your rules for me. Okay, I'll call back later. Don’t give up your three years of persistence for two thousand Dollars, if you treat me as a Brother. ……I know you live a more tiring life than me, but that’s something I don’t want to say. Because I can't help you except understand. And now, I'm the same, and you can't help me. After Lao Wei finished speaking, he took a deep breath, his eyes indifferent and cold. I thought damn it would be nice if I had money, but I don’t have any – that’s just the way it is. Fifty-four Old Wei is asking me to insist on something. Those are things he can never persist with, because he gives up as soon as he starts. I am persisting, but the result of persistence is heart-wrenching. I didn't ask my Family for money, including what I just said. Lao Wei doesn't want me to do that, because he knows that if I do this, I will suffer a deeper sense of guilt, at least for my father. But I don't feel like that, but I feel more guilty towards him. During this period, I asked a few netizens who seemed to care about me to borrow money. I wanted to scrape together some here and there, see if I could borrow some money, and put out the fireworks of the Manager of the printing factory first. I asked a netizen in Zhengzhou whom I had been dating for three years. According to my memory, she was my sister. I said I would only borrow 300 yuan and pay her back in a month. She promised yes, yes, yes, but so far there has been no response. I borrowed money from an aunt in Hainan who had replied to my posts N times. I said I would borrow 500 yuan and pay her back when School starts. She also promised yes, yes, yes, yes, but she has not heard any reply so far. So much so that when I later read her heartfelt replies, I couldn't be more fucking disgusted. I borrowed money from a birdie who once said to me, "Brother, your business is my business. If you want to help me in the future, just ask." I said, if you are afraid of meIf you don't return it, I'll put my ID card on you. He still promised ok, ok, ok, I will return to Nanchang from Guangzhou tomorrow and deliver it to you. I damn sure died on the road because I still haven't seen his body. Trust is incomplete and needs to be tested by money. Sincerity is a beautiful crystal ball that accidentally fell to pieces on the floor paved with banknotes. On the 55th, Liu Xiaowan and I went to the Agricultural Bank of China university of Finance and Economics. She forced me to go. She queued in front of the ATM at the door, and there was a long queue of people withdrawing money. father Sun really didn't like those misers, so he emitted a dazzling and vicious light, but no one was killed by the sun. Liu's whole body was covered in sweat. I looked at her with a wry SMile, wondering what she had suffered. Finally it was her turn. I sat down on the flower bed on the side without thinking about anything. I just thought, those fucking bullshit magazines have been using the articles for half a year, why don’t they pay me the royalties? And those fucking bullshit netizens, why do they talk so much like farts? In the end, I feel like none of them fart. The one who really farts is myself, especially my trust in them. I trust them to be richer than me, I trust them to be more sincere than me, I trust them to understand my words, I trust them to trust me and Lao Wei as much as I trust them. To such a bunch of people, all my words are nothing but fireworks. And luckily, or rather unfortunately, they've accidentally let out the same old fart before. They read my text, reply, contact me, and feel the same move as me, but they just want to tell me that they finally found it in the fart space of the Internet - the fart they farted many years ago. Therefore, they feel friendly and real, and even have hallucinations: Could it be that the year I was sick and hospitalized, you also happened to be sick and hospitalized, and you happened to be in the bed next to me? Otherwise, how could you be so familiar with the sound and SMell of my farts? They think I am their fart friend, or at least someone who can describe their farts in words. Farts are invisible and come and go like the wind. In today's world, it is no longer easy to find a master who writes fart-hunting notices. It's even more rare for someone like me to be free and available on call. But in fact, everything was an illusion, nature farts, I just accidentally farted a few farts that sounded similar to the ones they had. I don’t fucking know them, and I’m not familiar with their shit. Thousands of years of old farts will finally be reverberated and recollected. I thought I could at least gain some trust by being a decent person, so I borrowed a few cents to help Old Wei shut up the bad mouth of that bastard printing plant Manager, and prevent He continues to pollute the environment with his bullshit. As a result, no one is environmentally friendly in the world, despite my repeated propaganda. Liu is here. She handed me 150 yuan. I only have so much on the card, give it to Lao Wei. …… Everything will be fine, Chen, don’t worry. ……Really, you have to believe in me and yourself. ……I really didn’t say anything, I just stared at her blankly. I held her in my arms, put the money back in my pocket, and shed tears freely. Then there was a wry SMile, with a hint of happiness. She also kept crying, her eyes filled with tearsCheeks, grievance and helplessness. We left without saying a word. I put out the tip of my tongue and licked the taste of my own tears. I tasted two different flavors. The taste of being loved. The taste of love. Fifty-six I didn’t help Old Wei. When I apologize to him, he doesn't need to apologize. He asked someone to borrow 1,000 yuan. I don’t know the specific terms on which the 1,000 yuan was exchanged, but it was definitely not much better. I didn't ask anything else, and I didn't want to ask. It was the first time I experienced the feeling of being pale. Lao Wei said, if you ask your father for money, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. I SMiled bitterly and didn't say anything. I didn't even want to say anything. But I told him about Liu's actions, and he sighed, and then whispered, "Asshole, treat her well, it's rare for someone to care about you so much." I SMiled bitterly again. I didn't know why I was SMiling bitterly, but I suddenly got used to the feeling of SMiling bitterly. Maybe that feeling is more suitable for me. Between sighing and wry SMile, I chose wry SMile and hated sighing. I'm thinking, Lao Liu is gone - a premise repeated n times, and a new conclusion is drawn again. But I know that no matter what the conclusion is, it will still be boring, really boring, and fucking boring. With him gone, it's just that this bastard place in Nanchang has lost one bastard, and that bastard place in Beijing has gained one more bastard. But in Lao Wei's eyes, he is definitely not a bastard, just like me. Although Lao Wei likes to call me a bastard, I know that he definitely thinks that I am not a bastard, at least not an ordinary bastard. In fact, I'm no different from any other jerk, because I still can't help him when he needs a helping hand. You will find that you can be a jerk sometimes. ​I mean, if you have friends too. Fifty-six I didn’t help Old Wei. When I apologize to him, he doesn't need to apologize. He asked someone to borrow 1,000 yuan. I don’t know the specific terms on which the 1,000 yuan was exchanged, but it was definitely not much better. I didn't ask anything else, and I didn't want to ask. It was the first time I experienced the feeling of being pale. Lao Wei said, if you ask your father for money, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. I SMiled bitterly and didn't say anything. I didn't even want to say anything. But I told him about Liu's actions, and he sighed, and then whispered, "Asshole, treat her well, it's rare for someone to care about you so much." I SMiled bitterly again. I didn't know why I was SMiling bitterly, but I suddenly got used to the feeling of SMiling bitterly. Maybe that feeling is more suitable for me. Between sighing and wry SMile, I chose wry SMile and hated sighing. I'm thinking, Lao Liu is gone - a premise repeated n times, and a new conclusion is drawn again. But I know that no matter what the conclusion is, it will still be boring, really boring, and fucking boring. With him gone, it's just that this bastard place in Nanchang has lost one bastard, and that bastard place in Beijing has gained one more bastard. But in Lao Wei's eyes, he is definitely not a bastard, just like me. Although Lao Wei likes to call me a bastard, I know that he definitely thinks that I am not a bastard, at least not an ordinary bastard. In fact, I'm no different from any other jerk, because I still can't help him when he needs a helping hand. You will find,You can be a jerk sometimes. ​I mean, if you have friends too. Fifty-seven We met the foreign Teacher Jumbo twice in the book bar. The first time was on Children’s Day, the Children’s Day, at around eight o’clock in the evening. Jumbo is an affable old scholar, full of childishness and approachable. My spoken English is a mess. You can also say that my English is a mess. My major requires me to pass the National Level 6 exam, but I haven’t passed the Level 4 exam yet. But I secretly think that I know no less than those who have passed CET-6. In other words, they have passed CET-6 and can speak and understand English no differently than me. When we first entered the book bar and greeted Jumbo, he already said in pure Irish English in a friendly and humorous manner, How are you, Happy Children’s Day! Liu SMiled back, Thank you, Thesame to you! Everyone in the book club laughed, and I laughed too. I thought I should understand. Then he handed out a toffee to each of us, and casually joked with me, saying in fluent Chinese, "Are you still a child?" His unintentional words suddenly made me feel a lot heavier. I am no longer a child, I need to control many things by myself, and I should bear the consequences of my actions and decisions. Maybe this is the difference between children and adults. I SMiled bitterly, Ihopeso, butnot. Jumbo talked a lot with us that night, and I listened most of the time. I could understand the heart and eye contact, and it had nothing to do with English. Later he left. He could see that I was worried and wanted me to be happy. I remember Liu said something during this period, about me, Everybodyknowshim, nobodyknowshim. The look in her eyes when she spoke was so sincere that I felt our love was so real. The second time I saw Jumbo was after Children’s Day, that’s for sure. It was afternoon, and we didn't talk about anything more. He felt the same as me, Liu Zhen was a SMart girl. Even if I only rely on objective awareness, she is one of the people I have seen who can truly communicate freely with foreign Teachers. Her speech is not boring and her conversation is quite communicative. That's something I hadn't discovered before. She is indeed different from many women I have seen. Maybe all the women I have seen are different from others and stand out, but I didn't have time to discover it. I left all my time and heart to Liu, inadvertently. Maybe that's called fate, or the possibility of love. I thought of Ping'er. There has been no news between us for too long. Suddenly I didn't want to have any more news with her. I felt Liu was more important and I should start giving up a lot of things. As for Weiwei, I didn’t even have to think about it, I just put her on the blacklist. It just feels like we have never noticed each other. My memory is bad and I forget easily. Li Jia had no choice, she had to take the college entrance examination, and I never told her about the things that Liu didn't ask for, Ping'er and Weiwei.