My first time with my cousin

My cousin and I were childhood sweethearts. My cousin is actually my aunt’s daughter, that is, my cousin. She is only a few months younger than me. But because our two families have a very close relationship, I am the only son and my cousin is the only daughter of my aunt. And my mother really wanted a daughter, so my Family basically treated my cousin as our daughter, and my cousin often came to live at my house. I still remember that when I was a child, I loved sleeping with my cousin. At that time, it was strange that I didn't want to sleep with my parents at such a young age, but preferred to sleep with my cousin. What's even weirder is that my cousin also likes to sleep with me. I would often hold my cousin’s hand and tell my mother: When I grow up, I want my cousin to be my Wife, and I want to be with my cousin. At this time, my cousin was SMiling sweetly. mom would always laugh and say to us: OK, OK. When you grow up, I will let you marry your cousin as your Wife. This silly kid... At that time, my biggest wish was to grow up quickly. Although I didn't know what growing up meant, I knew that when I grew up, I would be able to marry my cousin. The relationship between my cousin and I is becoming more and more ambiguous. Slowly, we have really grown up. It should be said that our Family's pedigree is pretty good. When I was in high School, I grew into a pretty handsome boy, and my cousin became a beauty recognized by everyone. At this time, I just understood some things between men and women. As I looked at my cousin who was getting more and more beautiful, I began to have some very strange feelings, feelings that even I didn’t understand. When I was in high School, my cousin and I were in the same School and in different classes. When my friends around me began to discuss which beauty in School was more beautiful and which guy had lost his Virginity, I was still sweating and fighting on the football field and basketball court, or amusing myself with Jin Yong novels. In fact, my conditions are not bad, I am the main forward of the School football team, and I am considered a relatively famous figure in the School. I have also received love letters from girls, but I always feel that it is better to play football to find a girlfriend. My cousin is obviously much more mature than me. Maybe girls usually mature earlier than boys! At that time, my cousin was recognized as the School beauty, and her aunt's Family was in better condition, so many people liked her and had a crush on her. The bolder boys even send love letters and flowers. There were a few times where they made a big fuss and alerted the whole School. At this time, I always feel a little weird in my heart. In my eyes, other female classmates are simply not as good as football. But my cousin is different. She is like a piece of my heart, and I am afraid that others will take her away. Several times I asked my cousin, "There are so many boys who like you, but you don't like any of them." My cousin always looked at me with wide eyes, and then said seriously: I don't like those anymore, pretending to be romantic, and sending love letters. Sending flowers is vulgar! I like the kind of sunny, sporty boy with a sense of humor who can make me happy and secure. I said: You must have read too many novels! How can there be such a thing! My cousin said: Aren’t you the one? Haha... Although my cousin said it casually, I felt a little weird. This feeling followed me throughout my three years of high School. It was only after I went to college that I truly understood what freedom is. I also "thrive" under the influence of the friends around me. thisAt that time football was no longer important to me, what was important was women. porn movies are played every day in the dormitory, which accelerates everyone's growth. Almost not long after I entered School, the Brothers in the dormitory all had their own "sexual friends". As a late bloomer, I blushed when I saw a girl, let alone chasing a girl. Alone all the time. With the help of my Brothers in the dormitory, I was able to impress a girl with an average figure, an average appearance, and an average Family background by virtue of my shyness and a bit of handsomeness. She took the initiative to call me and invited me to go out on the street. The Brothers in the dormitory were all happy for me and said that they could finally get rid of me, the last Virgin. In order not to spoil the fun of my Brothers, I still went out with that girl on several dates alone. It was nothing more than shopping, watching movies, eating, etc. The more I got to know this girl, the more I felt that she was too vulgar and ordinary, and I always felt that she was too vulgar and ordinary. She couldn't help but compare her with her cousin, and the more she compared, the less interested she became. I thought to myself: You can’t betray your feelings just for sex! Finally one night after self-study, I asked the girl out and made it clear to her. The girl was very sad and cried, saying that I was the first boy she liked. This was the first time in my life that a girl cried for me. I don't know what to do either. I had to tell her that actually I have always had a girl that I like very much, so I can’t accept you anymore, I’m sorry. I know that the one I am talking about is my cousin. I have to admit, I fell in love with my cousin! After returning to the dormitory, I felt very confused. I began to miss my cousin crazily! Only then did I realize that I had not contacted my cousin for more than two months. This was the first time in my life that I had not contacted my cousin for so long. After rummaging through boxes and cabinets, I found the phone number of my cousin's dormitory and called her. Until I heard the familiar voice of my cousin, I immediately calmed down. My cousin got mad at me and asked me why I didn’t contact her for so long. I said: Didn’t you look for me too? Cousin said: You... Idiot, I'm too lazy to talk about you! I said: OK, OK! From now on, there will be a phone call every two days and a letter every week. Are you satisfied? The cousin became happy and said: That's pretty much it! Just because a phone call with my cousin can make me feel better. I know I can no longer deceive myself. He definitely fell in love with his cousin, but he knew that such a relationship would be fruitless. Besides, my cousin only thinks of herself as my elder Brother. My feelings are so complicated that I can't express them clearly in words. A real battle between heaven and man. That night, I watched a few porn movies with my buddies in the dormitory. The heightened male desire made me have sex for the first time in my life. The object of sexual fantasy is the cousin. For the first time, I felt the volcanic eruption of Pleasure, followed by deep self-blame. I am simply worse than a beast! How could I think of doing that kind of thing with my cousin... It was finally the winter vacation, and I was almost counting the days. Counting how many days it will take for my cousin to come back. On the day when my cousin came Home, I ran to the Train station early in the morning to wait for her. Wait until you see your cousin. I discovered that my cousin has become more beautiful, mature and feminine in the past six months. My figure is also better than when I was in high SchoolThe time is about to be full. My cousin was very happy to see me and threw herself into my arms. I'm so excited! I guess many people at that time misunderstood that we were a couple. In fact, many times I am a bit vague about my relationship with my cousin. I can feel that her feelings for me are also a bit ambiguous, but I am not sure, and I really don’t dare to break through the shackles of society. This feeling has always been buried deep in my heart. Sometimes having good things in your heart is enough. I think so. My cousin said she liked me until I went to Changsha during the May 1st holiday of that year. We were very happy to see my cousin. My cousin accompanied me to play in Changsha. When I was crossing the road, I accidentally held my cousin's hand. I felt that my cousin's hand was soft and slippery, as if she had no bones. I was a little reluctant to let go. Let go, I also saw my cousin blushing... As a result, on the day of 51, we both had an awkward day. When I sent my cousin back to the dormitory in the evening, when I arrived at the door of the dormitory, my cousin suddenly called my name. She called me by my name instead of Calling me Brother. Just when I felt strange, I saw my cousin throw herself into my arms, hug me tightly, and then quickly said: I like you. Then he ran back to the dormitory like flying. My mood at that time can only be described as shock, happiness, and contradiction. I didn't sleep all night. I don't know how to face my cousin tomorrow. I understand the meaning of what my cousin said. She called me by my name instead of Calling me Brother. If I still don’t understand, I’m a pig. But I hesitated, I didn't dare to accept such love. I admire my cousin's courage very much, how dare she say it. After struggling like this all night, I didn't sleep a wink, and finally decided to wait until I saw my cousin. . I didn't make up my mind to see my cousin until very late the next day. The girl in the same dormitory said that she had gone out, then handed me a thick letter, and then said to me: She wrote it all night and cried. I have known her for so long and I have never seen her like this. She must love you very much. You should cherish it! I was a little stunned. I just nodded stupidly, then took the letter back to the house to read it. I opened the envelope and counted it. There were twelve pieces of paper, densely written. The letter contained almost all the past events between my cousin and I. It was the first time I fought for her! A gift for her! There are many things that I wouldn't remember if I hadn't seen this letter, but my cousin remembers everything clearly. My cousin said that she has only liked one boy since she was sensible, and that was me. She asked me if I had noticed that every year on Valentine’s Day, birthdays and almost all important days, she must be spending them with me. And I never noticed. After reading the letter from my cousin, I began to feel that my heart was bleeding and my eyes were wet. I thought I was the most miserable all along, but it turned out that my cousin was 100 times more miserable than me, and suffered three full years earlier than me. After reading the letter, I started making phone calls frantically. Call my cousin’s cell phone and dormitory phone number. But the phone was always turned off, and the dormitory said she never came back. I am like a person addicted to drugs. I can neither sit nor stand. No part of my body felt comfortable. Finally decided to wait for her downstairs in her dormitory! She alwaysCome back and sleep! After waiting for more than 5 hours downstairs in her dormitory, it was almost 11 o'clock in the evening when I saw my cousin slowly walking back alone. I almost rushed in front of her: my cousin was startled by my sudden appearance, and then she didn’t say anything and burst into tears. When I see my cousin crying, my heart feels like being stabbed with a knife. I know that if I don't express my opinion, my cousin will feel even more uncomfortable. I hugged her! Hold her tightly in his arms. The cousin cried and said: I am so scared, afraid that you will say I am shameless. I dare not turn on my mobile phone or go back to the dormitory. I'm afraid you'll say you don't like me. I said: Idiot! I have liked you for a long time. I have liked you since I was a child and have always liked you. I said I wanted to marry you! Have you forgotten? By this time, my cousin was already crying like a tearful person. I slowly pushed my cousin away and looked at her with tears streaming down her face! I finally plucked up the courage to gently kiss the tears off her face. My cousin trembled in my arms, looked at me with wide eyes, and then slowly closed her eyes. There were very few people on the road at this time. I guess that's it anyway. Just die! So he made up his mind, closed his eyes and kissed her. This was definitely my first kiss, and so was my cousin’s. Neither of us had much experience. We could only learn from what we saw in the movies, and there was no technical component at all. But this was the most perfect kiss in my life. I really understand why some people say kisses are sweet, because I really think they are sweet, and they are very sweet. My cousin said to me very gently and affectionately: You are awake! I have never seen my cousin speak to me so tenderly. It was definitely the tone of a girlfriend to her boyfriend, and it was absolutely different from the tone of my cousin to her Brother before. It seems that my cousin has completed this psychological change. I was in a daze for a moment because I never thought that a girl as beautiful as my cousin would become my girlfriend. It was like a dream. My cousin laughed when she saw me in a daze, and kissed me on the face: Why are you dazed! Idiot: I felt so happy and said stupidly: You are so beautiful. The cousin said: You just know! At this time, I couldn't control myself anymore, so I hugged my cousin and kissed her. This time was definitely different from last night, because I was a little fierce and not as gentle as last night. The more I kissed, the more I felt that my body had changed. , my cousin may have felt it, and wanted to push me away, but I was like crazy. How could my cousin have so much strength? After a while, my cousin began to breathe a little faster, her chest kept heaving, and her face was early. It became extremely red, and my eyes became a little blurry. Both of us had lost our minds. Due to nervousness, although I was a little clumsy, I finally took off her clothes. I no longer call her my cousin, because at that moment, I regarded her as the woman I love most in my life, no longer My cousin. This is the first time I have seen a woman's body in my life. My blood vessels are almost bursting. She just desperately covered her body with a blanket. For a moment, I was a little at a loss. I don’t know what to do, I think of all the porn movies I’ve seen in my mindTurned out. She is really beautiful, with fair skin and a good figure. We just hugged each other randomly, not knowing what to do next. I was an out-and-out Virgin at the time, with no experience at all. I could never find the right direction and was always wandering outside. After struggling for more than half an hour, I still couldn't accomplish that kind of thing with her. I felt like it was God's will. At that moment, I suddenly had no sexual interest at all. She stopped all movements and lay quietly aside. Seeing me like this, she asked me softly: What's wrong? I replied without energy: Cousin! This is Incest for us! Then I never spoke again, nor did I want to speak. I know that many cousins ​​got married in Chinese history, but now society is different. Although I know that our love for each other has not harmed anyone else, it is also unacceptable to society. We have no results. I didn't know if my idea was right or not. At that moment, I decided to give up. My cousin didn’t speak anymore, and we just lay there quietly for a long time. Finally, my cousin cried, but she firmly said to me: I don’t know if we were Incest, but no matter what, I don’t regret it. My cousin's words touched me very much. It's not that I don't love her, but I really can't get rid of the knot in my mind. Finally, I said to her: We can try to be together, but don't let people who know us know, and , let’s not do this again. It’s not that I’m impotent, nor that I don’t want to have sex with my cousin, but I think if we hadn’t done it, at least there would still be room for turning back, and at least my cousin’s innocence would be maintained. When my cousin saw that I agreed to be with her, of course she was very happy and readily agreed to my request. The paper could not contain the fire, our close relationship was discovered by our parents. The next few days will be the happiest days in my life! My cousin and I can go shopping like other couples every day, hand in hand, take pictures, and even hold her in my arms and sit on my lap when taking the bus because there is only one seat. We were like a pair of young Lovers in love, and honestly, we both enjoyed it. When my cousin introduced me, she was of course her boyfriend. And her friends were also very happy for her, saying that she finally found someone she liked. At this time, my cousin and I would look at each other and SMile. Happy time always passes quickly. The long vacation of 51 is almost over soon. Since I made it clear to my cousin, I will be with my cousin every day. Except for sleeping, it’s not that I don’t want to but that I am really not sure that I will sleep with my cousin. Nothing happens. After returning to School, I felt like I was sleepwalking for several days and had no interest in anything. I only thought about spending several days and nights in Changsha talking to my cousin on the phone and telling her about the pain of lovesickness. The Brothers in the dormitory all said that I seemed like a different person. I told them that I was in love and showed them the photo of myself and my cousin. After seeing it, the Brothers all said that I was convinced. How could I pursue such a girl? Beautiful girlfriend. I could only lie to them and say that they were my classmates in high School. At that time, I felt very sad. I began to feel that the relationship between my cousin and I was shady and our happiness only existed.between the two of us. The real pain has actually just begun! After finally looking forward to the summer vacation, my cousin came back and stayed with my parents. But we all feel the pain of not being able to see the light. In front of my parents, we had to pretend that nothing happened and maintain the relationship of Brother and sister. After our parents go to work, we can express our strong love. We are both young people, and we love each other so much. In addition, we wear less clothes in the summer, and we are so affectionate many times that I can hardly control myself. But I was still able to stay awake at the critical moment. I rushed into the Bathroom, poured cold water, and then masturbated myself. Seeing me like this, my cousin said to me several times: If you have to endure it so hard, then stop enduring it. I really won’t look back. Regretful. I SMiled and said to her: Fool, I'm fine. I'm not with you to do that kind of thing. I admit that my cousin is braver than me. Every time I want to retreat, it is my cousin’s persistence and determination that moves me. In fact, this relationship has been carefully maintained by my cousin. In my cousin’s wallet was a photo of me and me. It was a photo of my cousin kissing me. I told my cousin: Don’t put such an intimate photo. It would be bad if my parents accidentally saw it. But the cousin said: If they see it, we will explain to them that we have not done anything bad and there is nothing to be afraid of. At this time, I always don’t know how to answer. I myself don’t know if we were at fault. If my parents and aunts knew about it, how would they treat this matter? People like to do extreme things at this time. I really hope that a miracle will happen to me and my cousin. So I hope to find some evidence that can prove that my cousin and I are not related by blood. But this effort is obviously in vain. The blood relationship between my cousin and I is an ironclad fact. Once I asked my mother: A friend of mine is in love with his cousin. They are in pain now and don’t know what to do? Do you think they will have results? mom said without thinking: of course not! According to state regulations, close relatives are not allowed to marry. What kind of friend are you? Go and persuade him. You are still young and have few contacts with people, so it is easy for you to do wrong things! It will be too late to regret by then! His words gave me a feeling of despair. I wanted to end this fruitless relationship with my cousin before my parents knew about it, so that it would not cause harm to the adults. But when I faced my cousin, I couldn't say anything. I really love her and she loves me. But why can't we be together? In this way, the relationship between my cousin and I continued to drag on until the last winter vacation when we were about to graduate from college. We can both feel each other's pain. My cousin insisted on telling the adults clearly, but I didn’t dare. After all, paper cannot contain the fire, and my parents finally felt something. Our parents talked to us. Although they didn't explain it clearly, we already knew what they meant - they were very concerned about it. Oppose, resolutely oppose. Although I have been mentally prepared for a long time, it is reallyWhen that moment came, I felt like my heart had stopped beating. My cousin cried a lot and stopped talking to my parents, aunt and uncle. The Family spent a most painful New Year. I know it’s not just us who are sad, but also our parents. Seeing that our parents, who are so old, are still worried about us, we feel like we are not having enough time to eat. I really feel sorry for them. I can't cause the pain of a whole Family just because of the happiness of the two of us. After thinking about it for several days, I talked to my parents and aunt, and I completely decided to separate from my cousin. In fact, my parents and aunt never scolded us severely from beginning to end. They just reasoned with us. They were very happy to see that I had figured it out. I went to my cousin and told her my decision. My cousin didn’t speak or cry. She just looked at me. I know she must hate me very much. She hates that I didn't stand by her side at the most critical moment. I told her that we can only be Brother and sister from now on. Let's forget about the past! In order to make my cousin give up completely, I burned our photos, which she gave me as a gift, in front of her. And that whole 12-page letter she wrote to me. My cousin didn’t cry during the whole process, but I could feel that her heart was broken. In fact, maybe she didn’t know that my heart hadn’t beat since then. Brother, originally the groom should be yours. From then on, my cousin ignored me. I know she hates me, maybe time can heal her trauma. After graduating from college, my cousin returned Home to work. And because I didn’t want everyone to be embarrassed when meeting me, I came to Guangzhou to work alone. It's been two years since I came here, and I haven't been Home once in those two years. Even during the New Year and holidays, when everyone is reunited as a Family, I still live alone. After coming to Guangzhou, I started looking for a girlfriend, but I was just looking for a substitute for my cousin. I have found 7 girlfriends in two years, but none of them lasted more than 3 months. Most of the time, it was because they had a bit of a cousin in them. This year’s Chinese New Year! When I called Home, my mother told me that my cousin had found a boyfriend and he was our high School classmate. I don't know whether to be happy or sad when I hear this news. A few days before I posted this post, I met my cousin online. This was the first time we had chatted like this since we were separated for two years. It felt so familiar yet strange. My cousin asked me how I was doing, and I said it was okay. It took a long time for my cousin to reply to me. I know my cousin's complicated mood, just like me. At that time, it was so difficult for me to type every word. I had thousands of words in my heart that I wanted to say to my cousin, but I couldn't say a word. Not coming out. She said: I am with xx. I said: I know, my mother told me. She said: We may get married next year, will you come back? I felt like my heart was bleeding. It took me a long time before I could type a few words: I don’t know, maybe if I have time! Then there was a long wait, and my cousin didn’t reply to me. After a long time, I saw my cousin’s QQ profile picture finally shaking. I clicked on it and saw a few words that made me cry - "The groom should have been yours." There is a secret that my cousin may never know in her life.Don't know! Before burning the letter she gave me, I copied it verbatim and will keep it for the rest of my life.